Family Matters

[Wendyf]

I feel the same Sue. I keep trying to say something but can't find the right words.

[Stanley]

That's up in the air. I'd guess earlier than they expected.
Sue, don't be too sad. Life is a terminal disease and we all have to confront death eventually. Parents shouldn't have to bury their kids I know but what matters is the manner of it and how the life has been lived. It may sound funny but I am so glad that Janet can face her death so bravely and in the knowledge that in her work and kids she has done good. We have made sure that not only is she certain of this but that even in her death she is using it to do good, look after everyone, prepare her kids and teach them how death should be faced. Just think how different it could be.... She has converted a disaster into a triumph of project management! I told her on Friday, she has lost the battle but won the war.
Wendy, feel privileged that you have seen such a good death. That's how I feel. And I take credit that so many people say she is a reflection of me. Smug and arrogant I know but she has said this herself. I have always made them face the fact that I will die and to be sure that when I do I shall be content because of what I have left behind me. I never thought it would be in this order!

[Nolic]

We are thinking of you Comrade. Charlotte is home for the weekend and she sends her love and best wishes. Colin

[Cathy]

Ditto Sue and Wendy. It's just all so sad.

[Stanley]

Lovely, you lot are the best...... Thanks for all the support.

[chinatyke]

This is very selfish of me, but I am struggling to maintain input into this conversation as it makes me feel so sad,,,sad for Stanley, sad for the family. A brave lady indeed. Lack of input will not mean lack of thought.

Me too, Sue. We all feel for you and Janet, Stanley. Not far from our thoughts even if we can't say the right words.

[Stanley]

You've no idea how you all help. I did the right thing staying at home so as not to be a hindrance but it does mean that I have to support my own sky. It has been made easier by everyone's kindness. Janet has helped as well by supporting my decision. She and I think alike and have a very open relationship. When we had our private conversation on Friday she had an agenda and it was to draw a line under the account. I came away very satisfied and fulfilled and that's how I want to remember her. She will understand completely why I have decided not to go for a second bite at the cherry on Thursday. Sometimes the most loving thing is to know when to let go, she will have to do that shortly. I want her to have a happy experience doing that at home in the best conditions and as she is having new symptoms, she needs all her strength to get back on that plane. I think the sooner the better. There is also the fact that Marmalade is not the ideal place for her carers, they are under enormous strain. It strikes me as well that although I have coped well up to now, I am old and not as resilient as I used to be. The last thing that is needed is me being poorly! One invalid is enough thank you.
I am certain I have made the right decision. Nothing can damage my relationship with a wonderful daughter. All things must pass, the problem is that Janet and I are doing it in the wrong order and it is new territory, we will deal with it! It may be that everyone will not agree with my thinking but we all have to choose our own course and then live with it. I am content.

[Wendyf]

Well said Stanley, I think you have made the right decision.

[Marilyn]

Maybe I am confused again ( though I swear I have only been baking all day).... But are "Janet's carers" not family?
Are they not your daughters and grandchildren?
Or are they strangers ( that you do not know????)
I only ask, because you make it sound as though they are strangers...people Janet has organised...and perhaps you feel not included.
Families are strange things. I don't attempt to understand them. My own are the weirdest of all...so I am not passing any judgment.

[Stanley]

Maz. Perhaps what I should have said was her family, the Diamond Nurse service her medical team and the other support services like cleaners and admin people.... There is absolutely nothing wrong with the family!
Wendy, thanks, that helps.

[Marilyn]

I've not heard of "Diamond Nurses" except in relation to aged care ( and it is a pop in visit as needed).
Maybe things are better in Western Australia.
I recall having a District Nurse call in twice daily for dressing changes ( many moons ago)...but they were on the clock, very quick about it, and I had to pay (cash) for the dressings. Could have done it myself. ( all a bit clinical was my opinion at the time...had to make sure I started shuffling toward the door as soon as I heard the car pull up because they didn't want to be kept waiting!) Heaven help you if you were on the loo...
When infection set in, they told me to make an appointment with my GP. Never saw them again...

[Stanley]

Susan says they are brilliant. For instance they mentioned that they needed a hospital bed with sides on and it was delivered the following day. The nurse comes in every day when Janet is there.....

[Marilyn]

That sounds brilliant.
We have had top level private health care for 40+ years, which we pay dearly for. (I expect that is how I once had District Nurse visits.( ..but as I say, still had to pay for dressings). And I was just a young Mum back then, ( and obviously off work due to illness)
Bad timing.( no NHS here...)

I am glad Janet has good care.
it is important she feels confident of the level of care too. You can't put a price on peace of mind.
Continuity of care is an important thing too. You don't want a different person turning up every day.

[Marilyn]

...mind you...I am just thinking Janet's biggest need may be over Christmas/New Year, which is when a lot of folk are on holidays...and there may be "new faces" filling in every day...and that is bound to upset her.

[Stanley]

Don't forget her main carers are Susan and Robert who are full time.....

[Stanley]

I know how people hate you when you get it right..... But who cares! News just in that Janet has reached her limit and flies back to Oz on the lunch time flight from Manchester tomorrow. I'm glad, she will be in the best place and settled. The trip was the right thing to do and she did all she wanted to do. She has had a good time. Now she needs to rest and recuperate.

[PanBiker]

I posted in here earlier after catching up with the thread but my post has dissapeared? No mind, I am glad you have been able to meet up with Janet and are at peace with your descisions, Im sure they are for the best, I hope she has a good journey home.

[Tizer]

I'll echo Ian's thoughts. It's a shame you didn't get more time together but at least you've been together in the same room, touched, hugged and said what you need to say to each other. To use your own phrase, she''ll now be glad to be `back in her own hutch'.

I've just had to catch up on all these posts because we arrived home a couple of hours ago after being away in Buckinghamshire for a couple of days for the funeral of my father-in-law. A small gathering of the family at the crematorium with a service conducted by a celebrant, a few readings of memories from the family and then we sent him on his way to the sound of Sinatra singing `Come Fly With Me', one of dad's favourites. I could almost hear him saying "OK, that's the formal stuff over, now where's the sandwiches and wine?" We followed it with much swigging of bubbly, eating of fancy sandwiches and swapping some of his jokes and tales. We've installed him in our own version of heaven inside our heads and guess what, he suddenly looks younger and fitter again!

[Stanley]

That's the miracle of memories Tiz.....



Amidst the gloom, here's a picture to cheer you all up. Janet went to the Xmas event at Chatsworth yesterday and had a good time. When she got home she crashed out and slept. She's ticked all her boxes for this trip and is going home with a bucket full of happy memories which will be good for her when she is settled in again at Carine. All I want now is for her to sleep all the way home! Don't worry about me, I am fine. Janet's Big Project is on track, she has made sure we all have full memory banks. What a Woman......!

[Cathy]

Great photo and another lovely memory. Have a safe and very comfortable trip home Janet (and party ).

[Stanley]

[Sue]

Beautiful photo, one to print of and frame in a big frame near your computer Stanley

[Tizer]

Three devoted sisters...
`All kinds of weather, we cling together
The same in the rain and sun
Three different faces, but in tight places
We think and we act as one'

[Stanley]

They must be in the air now heading for Perth..... God speed.....

[Sue]

Three devoted sisters...
`All kinds of weather, we cling together
The same in the rain and sun
Three different faces, but in tight places
We think and we act as one'

Very nice and very appropriate I think