Old fashioned clean jokes

[chinatyke]

When you're dead you don't know it, but those around you do.
It's the same with stupid.

[Stanley]

[Tripps]

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[Big Kev]

[Big Kev]

A new 'catch all' word for the average Facebook user

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[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

He's obviously shielding Cathy!

[Tizer]

Great jokes!

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Big Kev]

[Stanley]

I've never understood the paper scissors stone game......

[PanBiker]

Simple game of chance Stanley, not rocket science. 3 choices each time so a 33% chance of winning each round. It's a draw if each player chooses the same. Three shakes and make the shape, can be played anywhere, no props required.

Winner is the first in each case and why:

Scissors cut Paper

Paper wraps Rock

Rock breaks Scissors.

[Cathy]

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Clear as mud , haha

The game is thought to have originated in China 206BCE - 220CE.
(Did they have scissors back then?)

[Stanley]

All that comes to mind when looking at that is 'Eeny Meeny Miny Moe'. See THIS Wiki article.
Then there was 'one potato two potato three potato more......@

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

This one could be for Plaques

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[Stanley]

[Stanley]

A guy wanted to buy a Lamborghini. It was his lifelong dream. One day he achieved gathering enough funds to finally fulfil his ambition. He had dubious means of making a living (due to his burning desire to be the proud owner, nay, carer of a Lamborghini), so he went to the dealership (which was no small trek for our friend) with a suitcase of cash, amounting to 100 000 dollar. He goes in and he picks one costing exactly the amount he had brought with him. The salesman tells him it'll be a while to get the paperwork in order and he should be back in an hour or so. The guy decides to go for a bite, since he was getting hungry and it was noon anyway. He goes in to a nearby deli and pays $5 for a tantalizing sandwich and a refreshing coke, a meagre token to celebrate finally securing a Lamborghini, a dream he sacrificed so much for. He then goes to the dealership and the salesman brings out the paperwork and finally asks to count the money. They open the suitcase and they discover that the guy is short $5. He unwittingly didn't bring his wallet with him and paid for his meal from the money in the suitcase. He pleads with the salesman to overlook it, but the salesman is adamant that he can not. This is a Lamborghini dealership after all, not a flea market. Desperate, our destitute hero decides to turn to the kindness of his fellow men. He goes outside and starts begging passers-by:

"Please, if you'd be so kind as to gift me with $5 so I can fulfil my lifelong dreams and finally purchase a Lamborghini!". To which a compassionate pedestrian responds: "Tell you what, I'll give you $10 and buy one for me too.".

[Big Kev]

[Tripps]

This amused me -

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[chinatyke]

[Tizer]

That's what everything I cook turns out like!