Old fashioned clean jokes

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

I must have a dirty mind Cathy. The answer surprised me. Clever!

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

Person 1 : I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.
Person 2 : How?
Person 1 : I forgot to take them out of the oven.

[Big Kev]

[Stanley]

Nice one Cathy....

[Stanley]

[Tizer]

Yesterday's main cartoon in The Times was in two frames. The first showed Harry telling us that the Royal family is like `The Truman Show and being in a zoo'. The second shows him with Meghan surrounded by paparazzi, cameras flashing, fans screaming and waving etc.

One of today's front page cartoons shows a man standing outside a pub and reading the notice on the wall....
17th May
5.00pm Happy Hour
6.00pm New lockdown

[Stanley]

I'm afraid Harry and Meghan are becoming a running joke. I have a funny feeling it will all end in tears.

[Stanley]

[Tripps]

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[Big Kev]

[Stanley]

I like that one David!
Have they missed the apostrophe in pedants?

[Tripps]

Have they missed the apostrophe in pedants?

Maybe - depends whether the word is being used as a noun (in which case I'd probably put the apostrophe after the S), or an adjective to describe the type of conference.

I try not to comment on errors - that way lies trouble - for instance, I didn't mention it last week when you used who's when it should have been whose.

[Big Kev]

Have they missed the apostrophe in pedants?

Maybe - depends whether the word is being used as a noun (in which case I'd probably put the apostrophe after the S), or an adjective to describe the type of conference.

I try not to comment on errors - that way lies trouble - for instance, I didn't mention it last week when you used who's when it should have been whose.

That's Stanley's quote, not mine

[Tripps]

Of course - I don't know how that happened. Probably fat fingers. . . .

[Stanley]

"used who's when it should have been whose. "
Oh dear! You should have jumped on me David. Standards should be maintained!

[Tizer]

Just read about an archaeology magazine holding a conference, using automated tech and software to record and convert the lectures to text then finding it doesn't work perfectly. In a piece about an ancient village the software wrote that `the midden had been used as a rubber sheep'.

[Big Kev]

Just read about an archaeology magazine holding a conference, using automated tech and software to record and convert the lectures to text then finding it doesn't work perfectly. In a piece about an ancient village the software wrote that `the midden had been used as a rubber sheep'.

I love speech to text software

[Tripps]

Oh dear! You should have jumped on me David.

I'm getting more forgiving as I get older - we don't want any more flouncing.

[Tripps]

I love speech to text software

I'm more impressed by translation software which listens in one language, and outputs in another. I'm fairly sure it exists, and isn't just science fiction.

Anyone tried it? The implications, if it works, are tremendous. I wonder if they speak 'Yorkshire' ?

Give it some thought. . .

[chinatyke]

I'm more impressed by translation software which listens in one language, and outputs in another. I'm fairly sure it exists, and isn't just science fiction.

Anyone tried it? The implications, if it works, are tremendous. I wonder if they speak 'Yorkshire' ?

Give it some thought. . .

Yes. We lazy ex-pats use it a lot here. It does a very acceptable job of translating English to Chinese and vice-versa, and output can be audio and/or text. Everyone seems to have an app on their smart phones to do translation. It is obvious when the translation is wrong and it can't be understood by the other party. In that case you just re-phrase it in a less ambiguous way. As you would expect, srong accents produce less accuracy.

[Tripps]

So it's true. Have you got an empty flat for rent?

PS a little research has revealed a solution. triplingo

Spooky or what?

[chinatyke]

Sorry, we haven't a flat available to rent at the moment.
The translator is much better than just a verbal one. You can open the app on your phone and take a photograph and it will translate any words. Very useful for reading Chinese characters, food labels, information signs, messages, instructions etc

[Big Kev]

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Wasn't sure if this was a joke or just social comment