Old fashioned clean jokes

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Tripps]

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[Tizer]

[Stanley]

Perfect Peter! I saw this one.....

[Stanley]

A wife packs her husband's clothes for a weekend fishing trip. When he gets back he asks her why she didn't pack any underwear for him. She said I did, I put it in your tackle box......

[Big Kev]

[Big Kev]

Latest energy saving washing machine goes on sale

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[Stanley]

That's a pic of my childhood! Exactly what my mother had to wash clothes. She got her first electric washing machine in 1946, it was a Servis.

[Stanley]

[Tizer]

That's a pic of my childhood! Exactly what my mother had to wash clothes.

For me too, even though I'm younger than you but it's a memory from my very early childhood. A green mangle and, in the corner of the kitchen, a dolly tub. And a gert big shallow stone sink. One day I came home covered in soot so mum stripped off my clothes, stood me in that sink and poured cold soapy water over me. The sink was under the kitchen window and the couple who lived next door watched from their window and laughed!
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A comment seen in the newspaper in connection with Sunak and his wife's tax affairs. He should have copied Ken Dodd's response to the Inland Revenue when they sent him his tax demand: `But I live by the sea!'

[Big Kev]

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[Big Kev]

A lawyer called his wealthy art collector client and said, "Paul, I have some good news and some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Your wife told me that she invested £1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring £20 million or more. And she could be right."
Paul replied, "Well done! You've made my day. Now I can handle the bad news."
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

[MickBrett]

[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

I don't understand the sprouts at all Kev. (Or the 14 day sell by date!)

[Cathy]

Which avenue do policemen live on?



Letsbe Avenue

[Stanley]

Oh dear Cathy......

[Big Kev]

Probably nearer the truth than a joke

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[Big Kev]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.!"

[Stanley]

Poor bugger!

[Big Kev]

When I heard they'd found a cure for my dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.

[Tripps]

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[Stanley]

[Stanley]