Old fashioned clean jokes

[Stanley]

Very true. The solution was called a book!

[chinatyke]

[PanBiker]

Or better still like this so you can read it.



You copied the wrong string from the gallery China. You need the top one, Image-URL and then use the insert image icon to shove it in the post.

Do they let you browse Facebook from where you are?

[PanBiker]

This one is doing the rounds on FB as well.

[chinatyke]

Thanks Ian.

No, I can't get Facebook, BBC, Google, Wikipedia etc. Only search engine available is Bing and that is the Chinese version. There are Chinese search engines but in the native language.

I've tried to correct my post but it doesn't seem right. I'll have a go later. Apologies for the poor English grammar in the post, it wasn't my work.

[Stanley]

Main thing is we can get you! Morning China.

[Stanley]

[plaques]

A temporary blip Dip. Teething troubles with all these NEW rules that have been in place for Third Party Countries for years. Yes, but they are new to us. But Captain Johnson-Smith we did mention those icebergs before you set off for America.

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

Make you poorly!

[Bodger]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, 'A Hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
'That will be $9.40 please,' she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries, and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.
For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.
'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,' says the man.
'Yep! Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp.
When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would wish for a couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'But, sir, what's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses, and replies, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big bum and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

[Stanley]

I like it....

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

E715CF29-A189-4A82-A9F0-13940F8E9039.png

[Stanley]

That is exactly the sort of thing that could happen...
"Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings......"

[Gloria]

What do you call a train that sneezes..................a choo choo train.

[Stanley]

Oh dear Gloria.....

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

Letter home from school

Dear Dad,
$chool is really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudyng very hard. With all my $tuff , I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love
Your $on

A week later...

Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOurs student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

20210410_175751.jpg

[Stanley]

I like it Kev.