Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by **Stanley** » 15 Dec 2021, 11:49

Maureen Lipman has just told this joke....
A man goes to the doctor and complains he has a tape worm. The doctor examines him and agrees. He tells him to come back tomorrow with two apples and a small bar of chocolate. The man goes back the next day and the doctor makes him drop his trousers and band over whereupon he shoves the apples up his bum and after a minute, follows them with the bar of chocolate. This happens for three days but then the doctor tells him to bring two apples and a cricket bat. The man goes back the following day and the doctor inserts the apples and then waits, after a minute or two the tape worm pops its head out of his bum and says "Oi! Where's me chocolate? And the doctor hits it over the head with the cricket bat.
(It's the way she tells 'em!)

Post by **Tizer** » 15 Dec 2021, 11:58

That joke made a regular appearance in the student Rag Week leaflets every year when I was a student!

Post by **Stanley** » 15 Dec 2021, 13:16

The old ones are always the best Peter!

Post by **Big Kev** » 15 Dec 2021, 22:03

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Post by **Stanley** » 16 Dec 2021, 03:44

Post by **Big Kev** » 18 Dec 2021, 11:09

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Cathy · Post by **Cathy** » 18 Dec 2021, 11:28

Cute.

Post by **Tizer** » 18 Dec 2021, 11:31

But they told me I was going for a Covid vaccination...

Post by **Stanley** » 19 Dec 2021, 04:55

Ah Peter.... I remember the short arm inspections well. I always wondered what they did with the pencil afterwards..... (It was used to manipulate your equipment....)

Post by **Tizer** » 19 Dec 2021, 10:08

I saw the painting in a TV programme about the Imperial War Museum. It's a big canvas, one of 20,000 artworks in their collection. IWM Collections

Post by **Stanley** » 20 Dec 2021, 04:09

You've reminded me of a ditty that you often found in public lavatories in those days.
It's no good standing on the seat. The crabs in here can jump six feet!
Sorry about that.....

Post by **Tripps** » 20 Dec 2021, 15:35

Or perhaps What Step?

What Tier is this.jpg

Post by **plaques** » 20 Dec 2021, 18:19

What could go wrong?

Goliath 1.jpg

Post by **Tripps** » 20 Dec 2021, 18:37

Post by **Stanley** » 21 Dec 2021, 04:01

I like it!

Post by **Stanley** » 22 Dec 2021, 04:35

Post by **plaques** » 22 Dec 2021, 18:08

Only in Yorkshire.

.

Chips 1 .jpg

Post by **Big Kev** » 22 Dec 2021, 19:04

Post by **Big Kev** » 22 Dec 2021, 19:05

Two Owls playing pool....

First owl takes his shot and fouls as his wing brushes against a ball..
Being an honest owl he say's to his mate "Two hits"

The second owl replies "Two hits To Who?"

Cathy · Post by **Cathy** » 22 Dec 2021, 21:20

Post by **Big Kev** » 28 Dec 2021, 19:15

They told me I'd never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia. I've made three vases and a fruit bowl so far, so what do they know?

Post by **MickBrett** » 28 Dec 2021, 20:04

Post by **MickBrett** » 28 Dec 2021, 21:51

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.

It was riveting.

Post by **MickBrett** » 28 Dec 2021, 22:11

Apéritif: French for "a set of dentures."

OneGuyFromBarlick

Old fashioned clean jokes

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