MY FILTHY HABIT
I'm afraid it's true, I find I am a social pariah. The government has legislated against my habit and tried to stop me by taxing me to the limit. On top of all that they have designated October as 'make Stanley feel uncomfortable month'. That's right, my name is Stanley and I am addicted to nicotine.
I'd better start by making it quite clear that I hate all forms of smoking except my pipe. I decided long ago that the reason why I was getting bronchitis on a regular basis was because I was smoking cigarettes. So I stopped and to tell you the truth I never missed cigarettes at all, it was the nicotine I was craving. After three years I started again but exclusively pipe smoking and I've never looked back. No bronchitis, no cough and I do so enjoy my smoking! Nothing helps more when things are going badly or I want a bit of meditation and thinking. Even my GP once told me that while he was not going to recommend pipe-smoking, he couldn't see any reason why I should deprive myself of something that was evidently doing me more good than harm and in any case was a seventy year addiction. More harm than good comes from trying to break a life-influence that is so strong. So, I think you can take it as read that I shall not be participating in 'Stoptober'.
How did an addiction like this start? Well, in those days smoking was the norm, almost everyone did it. As young lads we saw smoking as entering adult life, it was obviously a 'good thing' because everyone did it. I can remember exactly when I started. It was while I was living at Napier Road in Stockport so I must have been nine years old. I had a fancy to try it one day and got a packet of five Woodbines from the local sweetshop. No problem about that, kids regularly went to the shop for their parent's fags. I went into my bedroom in the attic, opened the skylight and lit up. I didn't muck about, I did it exactly how I'd seen my dad do it, took a deep drag and inhaled it. I can still remember the first, instant dizzy rush which made me feel faint. From what I have learned talking to other people this was the stage where the lucky ones felt sick, were put off smoking and never tried again. I must have been made of stronger stuff because this didn't happen to me, after a few seconds the dizziness faded and I finished the cigarette. They tell me that nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world and I can believe it, from that day forward I was addicted and I remain so to this day.
The question is, should I be the object of pity and sympathy? I don't think so, as I say, I once stopped for three years but eventually came back because I missed the enjoyment and those close to me said that I was a much nicer man when I was smoking. I certainly felt nicer, more calm and thoughtful. None of my daughters ever started smoking and I think this may have been because of the fact I smoked a pipe. There was no easy incentive for them, pipe-smoking was evidently something that only old men indulged in and let's face it, to a child, a twenty five year old bloke smoking a pipe is old!
My biggest problem with smoking these days is the fact that because we are a dying breed, it gets harder and harder to find my favourite tobaccos. I can still remember the day when I was loading my wagon at West Marton and Canon Bracewell paused to light his pipe in the road. It smelt so good I asked him what sort it was and he replied “Escudo young man. The best tobacco in the world”. I said “Well if it's good enough for thee it's good enough for me” which raised a smile. I got some and tried it and smoked nothing else until it was discontinued. Of late my favourite is Condor Green, a strong black tobacco but it suits me and you'd be surprised at the number of times, if I am outside, someone who gets a whiff of the smoke tells me that it reminds them of their father or grandfather. My problem at the moment is that the new stock management computer programme that the Co-op have adopted refuses to let the staff order it and despite several letters to the CEO of the Co-op and the man in charge of the food stores they haven't yet found a way of persuading the computer to let me have my tobacco. It appears that the management no longer have full control of the business so I am having to survive on St Bruno until they solve their problem!
I have absolutely no problem with initiatives to curb cigarette smoking because I am convinced they are bad for you. My daughters envy me my blood pressure and analysis and I keep telling them perhaps they should try pipe-smoking! I don't know whether I have some sort of tolerance to tobacco but it doesn't seem to be doing me much harm yet. So far so good.
The only thing I would question is the way some of the deterrents have been applied. There seems to be general acceptance of the fact that banning smoking in pubs was one of the worst things that has happened to the licensed trade in the last few years. I could never understand why a smoker's room with a good extractor fan couldn't have solved that problem. By all means try to discourage people but outright bans can have unintended consequences. I also reflect on the fact that excessive drinking is a far greater problem but the brewers seem to have either a charmed life or a very good political lobbying system. Perhaps the Treasury gets too much tax revenue from them.
So, the next time you see an old bloke light his pipe and sit back looking contented remember he may not need sympathy, perhaps you should envy him his obvious contentment instead. Believe me, there is all the difference in the world between a quick fag and a tranquil moment with a pipe and anything you can find these days that induces calm reflection and tranquillity should be encouraged!
Daniel Meadow's picture of the younger Stanley lighting up in 1979.
