1561226114866.jpg
Old fashioned clean jokes
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Clever......
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
The Sunday Times front page cartoon today. A couple on the street are walking past a newspaper seller's board that states `The leadership Race'. The husband is saying to his wife `It's all over bar the shouting, screaming and smashing'.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Only too accurate!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
For some reason this makes me think of Boris Johnson!
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Bojo is no joke......
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
So I just got back home from work.
My dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The Rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. Now, my neighbor's kids raise these Blue Ribbon WINNER Rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of their rabbits. So I took the rabbit away from my dog, I rushed inside, washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some ANIMALS play dead when they are AFRAID, I couldn't remember which animals because I was NERVOUS . I took it and placed it back in one of the cage, then I ZOOMED back home. NOT 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming. so I go out and ask them what's wrong?
They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.
My dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The Rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. Now, my neighbor's kids raise these Blue Ribbon WINNER Rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of their rabbits. So I took the rabbit away from my dog, I rushed inside, washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some ANIMALS play dead when they are AFRAID, I couldn't remember which animals because I was NERVOUS . I took it and placed it back in one of the cage, then I ZOOMED back home. NOT 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming. so I go out and ask them what's wrong?
They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
‘Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.’
The pharmacist fainted.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
‘Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.’
The pharmacist fainted.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
1st joke was good.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
They both made me smile....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I was amused by seeing the front page of today's Telegraph. The main story is about Boris Johnson and what he's going to do for the UK. The next story, underneath it, is headlined `Parents too scared to let their children out'. How apt!
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
But irrational if you believe Boris who claims that he lowered the crime rate during his time as Mayor of London.....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
This made me laugh out loud and yes, I have one
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
now...if that had been my hubby's 3 kids...all would be chaos while they fought for who would hold the biggest one! The fishes would be in bits by the end of the "scrap".
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
We used to have one.....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I've sent copies to friends/relatives who have two kids so they know not to have a third one!
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Funnily enough, in my experience it is usually the youngest.... I think we tend to spoil them a bit more, that may be the reason.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Walked past an old, closed down shop the other week that has some odd things displayed in the window. One thing was a big box of thin wooden tiles, each with a letter on. They were similar to Scrabble tiles but thinner. A note on the front of the box read "A book from IKEA".
That made me smile...
That made me smile...
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Basic DIY! Write your own.....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Old lady walking past a shop being refurbished, it had a peephole cleared in the whitewashed windows. Being curious she looked through and saw some workmen. "What are you selling"? she asked. "A--eholes was" the reply. "You must be doing well, you've only two left"!
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Relate counsellor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers
Husband: True, but in fairness I didn't even know she sold flowers.
Husband: True, but in fairness I didn't even know she sold flowers.
Born to be mild
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91269
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
My grandad was telling a story from his days in the navy during the war, they detected a submarine so dropped a depth charge. There was a huge explosion and lots of dead sheep floated to the surface.
They reckoned it was a ewe boat...
They reckoned it was a ewe boat...
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.