HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[Stanley]

Look for the active ingredient in a cleaner and then search to see if there is a generic equivalent sold in bulk. Bleach is one good example, another recent one was Epsom Salts. Proprietary brands of both are expensive, once they have thickened the bleach or coloured the salts they charge a fortune. I am convinced that this is why some common chemicals like caustic soda (Sodium Hydroxide) and washing soda (Sodium Carbonate) which were once easily found have now disappeared from the shelves.

[Wendyf]

I've never had a problem buying washing soda, most of the supermarkets stock it.

[Stanley]

That might have been a bad example Wendy, but try Caustic soda and Epsom Salts!

[Tizer]

Do you have an old-style ironmonger's shop in Barlick? They'd probably sell such chemicals.

[Stanley]

No Tiz, we lost them! Our best source used to be Mr Penney who was the chemist on Newtown. You could buy common acids there as well, very useful at times.
It might be time for a re-run of one of my favourite stories about cleaners..... (Sidney is Sidney Nutter at Bancroft Shed.

"I have a story about Sidney which demonstrates his sense of humour. I used to deal with any commercial travellers who were in any way technical. One day we had a caller who was selling a miracle cure for blocked drains. He asked if he could demonstrate how his product worked so I agreed and he swung into what was quite clearly a very well rehearsed performance. He took a Pyrex beaker out of his case, poured some soil into it and added a lump of grease. He then reached into his bag and produced the biggest sanitary towel I have ever seen in my life, wiped his hands on it and, saying, “There’s always one of these!” stuffed it into the beaker. He held it up and said, “There you are, that’s a blockage!” He then added some water and poured in his ‘miracle cure’, the whole lot fizzed up alarmingly and finally settled into half a beaker of dirty water, the chemical was some sort of very concentrated acid judging by the smell. “Blockage dispersed! It can now be flushed away with water!”
I knew that there was no way I was going to buy any of this drain destroyer from him but I knew Sidney wasn’t very busy so I told the representative he should repeat this demo for our Mr Nutter who was in charge of purchases. I called Sidney up and we went up to the office where Sidney sat at his desk, pipe in mouth, awaiting our arrival. The bloke went through his demo again but when he got to the sanitary towel Sidney took his pipe out of his mouth and said “What is it lad, a blindfold?” This stopped the rep dead, he had never been asked that question before! He went into a long explanation of exactly what it was he was holding in his hand. When he had finished Sidney took his pipe out again and said “Eh, isn’t it wonderful, whatever will they think of next!” At this point the rep lost the will to live, packed his bag and departed Bancroft for ever. I’ll bet he never forgot Sidney! I told Sidney he was very naughty, he had probably shattered the man’s life, all he did was grin."

[Big Kev]

Do you have an old-style ironmonger's shop in Barlick? They'd probably sell such chemicals.

Not sure if Redmans, on Church St, will still have some weird and wonderful stuff on the shelf...

[Marilyn]

Have you handed that Arsenic ( or whatever it was you had) in to the chemist for safe disposal yet, Stanley?

[Stanley]

No worries Maz.
If your local Facebook site goes into overdrive with rumours that two young women are going round scoring with all the young married men, Keep out of it! (I am told that there is a furore on the Earby site......)

[plaques]

Have you handed that Arsenic ( or whatever it was you had) in to the chemist for safe disposal yet, Stanley?

I was told a little story which I have no idea if it is true or not.
The story goes a local man was accused of trying to poison his wife by dosing her coffee with mercury. For whatever reason no sentence was given. From that point onwards his mates it the club used to call him 'Freddie'?

► Show Spoiler

(Freddie Mercury)

Later
It wasn't until I saw Tizer's comment that I realized I'd quoted the wrong poison, now corrected. Thanks Tizer.

[Tizer]

If his real name had been Nick they could have called him something more appropriate!

[Stanley]

Warm mutton fat is wonderful hand cream, leaves them soft and a smooth as a baby's bottom!

[Stanley]

Try to ensure you are living in a well lit environment in these gloomy days. The wavelength of artificial light doesn't compare favourably with natural sunlight but it makes you feel better!

[Stanley]

Drink plain water frequently and pee often. Best way to look after your bladder and the best prophylactic against bladder infections. Dead simple, cheap and effective!

[Stanley]

As we watch plagues of locusts, advancing Swine Fever and the Chinese virus it's easy to get worried. Remember the old sayings and don't anticipate disaster, just be sensible and look after yourself. It is not necessarily as bad as it looks.

[Tizer]

If you get a new UPVC front door fitted as we have just done you'll probably find that you get a new type of Yale lock and key designed to be more secure than the previous type used on such doors. Be warned - it came with two keys and when we went to Timsons to get an extra one you have to take a tab with three bar codes on it and get them to order you a copy using the data. Cost? £28 for one key, £56 for two! It's another of changes that mean you can't go to the bloke in the cubicle on the market and them for a few quid. Rather like it's getting difficult to have your car serviced by a local mechanic due to the fancy electronics etc. In fact the new door key looks like a car key!

[PanBiker]

Our Jack has two on his property, front and back doors suited. The keys are magnetic to operate the tumbler mechanisms in the locks.

[Big Kev]

Me too, I got 3 with my new front door. I have to authorise any new key orders by replying to an email.

[Marilyn]

Gosh, if you are a landlord, you wouldn’t want one of those locks on your rental property. Some tenants have a dreadful habit of losing keys!

[Stanley]

So today's tip is the specify the ERA Yale type locks for your new door. Any key cutter can make you a new one. They were bad enough, one of mine failed and it cost £300 to have a new locking mechanism fitted but they used the original key capsules.

[Big Kev]

So today's tip is the specify the ERA Yale type locks for your new door. Any key cutter can make you a new one.

And very easy to break into unfortunately...

[Marilyn]

Yeah...but who cares...tenants should have their own insurance! Landlords do, but we can’t cover their stuff. ( we have had tenants who keep losing key after key and just leave the property open because it is easier to live without keys...Hello!)
At the end of the lease, you either find the 50 keys you have had cut for them in a drawer, or there are no keys!
I am past being shocked...
I get really annoyed when they “lose” window locks! Very frustrating. How can you lose a window lock?! You need those for fire safety. Obviously for security too...but you may need a window lock in case of fire. ( you had one in every single window and now have NONE I ask?!!!)
Unfortunately, these seem to be the same kind of folk who take the battery out of a smoke alarm to power a kid’s toy...
Luckily, we don’t have the same investments now and don’t have to deal with people...

[Tizer]

Me too, I got 3 with my new front door. I have to authorise any new key orders by replying to an email.

Thanks for pointing that out, Kev, it made me realise I'd made a mistake - we got three keys, not two. Another reason we were told for the new keys is that they are `anti-snap'. That puzzled me until I disposed of the old keys - I found it was easy to snap them!

[Big Kev]

Yeah...but who cares...tenants should have their own insurance!

I'm not a tenant or a landlord. The lock, which incorporates 6 point dead locking, is on my own property.

[Marilyn]

Yes, I understand that.
It is the perfect lock ( unless you need to constantly obtain new keys)...

[Stanley]

I have a fierce guard dog called Jack! And he usually has an old bloke backing him up!