Old fashioned clean jokes

[Tizer]

Mr Bean goes down well worldwide and it's said to be because you don't need to understand a language, the pictures say it all! I think it's time they made `Mr Bean goes to the White House'. You can just imagine him accidentally going through a door and appearing behind Trump as the President waved to his supporters.

[Cathy]

Love Mr Bean.

0EE4957D-E8E4-4D6A-8599-512B44348163.jpeg

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

Screenshot_20201023-185001_Metal Pro.jpg

[Stanley]

When digital watches first came out I bought a very expensive one. Every time you tried to adjust it it played The Yellow Rose Of Texas so eventually I did the same as the advice on the clock radio.

[chinatyke]

Love the advice for the oven. We've just installed a cooker hood at our Nanning bedsitter. I haven't discovered how to set the clock. Luckily it resets itself to 12:00 if you unplug the electric supply. Trouble is, I forget to unplug it at 12:00. It was bought on the internet, top of the range but very cheap. Came with the wrong instruction pamphlet so no help there. I presume these are manufacturers' B grades so perhaps this is the fault and there is no way of setting the clock.

[Tizer]

I'm slowly learning that to use or adjust all the modern gadgets, gizmos etc the secret is to never use logic!

[Big Kev]

Love the advice for the oven. We've just installed a cooker hood at our Nanning bedsitter. I haven't discovered how to set the clock. Luckily it resets itself to 12:00 if you unplug the electric supply. Trouble is, I forget to unplug it at 12:00. It was bought on the internet, top of the range but very cheap. Came with the wrong instruction pamphlet so no help there. I presume these are manufacturers' B grades so perhaps this is the fault and there is no way of setting the clock.

Not sure on the access where you are but there are usually instruction manuals available online, even if they're not the original there will always be someone who knows how to do it

[chinatyke]

Not sure on the access where you are but there are usually instruction manuals available online, even if they're not the original there will always be someone who knows how to do it

Never thought of doing that. Thanks. I'm pretty convinced there is no way of setting the clock, I've tried all combinations of buttons etc, but I'll have a scan of the internet to see if I can spot anything. It will be in Chinese and the search engines don't always find what I'm looking for when I enter it in English. It isn't important, I could ask the supplier, or remember to disconnect the electric at 12:00. Thanks anyway.

[PanBiker]

What make and model is it? We could use Google for you which I don't think you can access.

[plaques]

China, Some modern clocks are radio controlled and are set by a master clock from a radio signal. Our master is up in Newcastle. Just leave it on and it should set automatically when it does its updates, May only be once a day. There's no way of setting the time on the clock itself.

[Stanley]

I had the same trouble with mine China until I realised I had to cycle through the symbols for functions until I had reached the one marked with a clock face. Once I was in that mode I could set whatever time I wanted. It wasn't enough to just press the clock face. Once I had cycled to that the plus and minus buttons below the clock worked after I had pressed the middle button first.

[Stanley]

P is right aboutr radio control, on my Sony clock I need to start it, turn it to DAB mode and leave it alone for a few minutes then go back to FM. (We have a bad DAB signal in Barlick.)

[chinatyke]

China, Some modern clocks are radio controlled and are set by a master clock from a radio signal. Our master is up in Newcastle. Just leave it on and it should set automatically when it does its updates, May only be once a day. There's no way of setting the time on the clock itself.

Maybe you're right, it is supposed to be a top of the range model, but I think we've already left it on for more than 24 hours without any effect. Sorry, Ian, I don't know the exact model. I think it is Sakura CXW 238 c01 but that is from the website and they are selling several models on the same page with only one model number listed. It isn't on Sakura's website. Sakura also badge the same model for other manufacturers like SAST. It doesn't matter, it isn't important. The clock doesn't have any other functions apart from telling the time. There is a settings button but I I can't find a clock setting option.

[Big Kev]

P is right aboutr radio control, on my Sony clock I need to start it, turn it to DAB mode and leave it alone for a few minutes then go back to FM. (We have a bad DAB signal in Barlick.)

Only in bits of Barlick, I had a strong DAB signal in Park Street.

[Tizer]

When we got an induction ceramic hob I couldn't get it to work when I tapped the icons in the glass. It was resolved when Mrs Tiz told me to press them! Doh...

[PanBiker]

Sorry, Ian, I don't know the exact model. I think it is Sakura CXW 238 c01 but that is from the website and they are selling several models on the same page with only one model number listed.

Found it, (Suning.com) and a Google translation of the page but it does not offer any links to manuals or instructions.

You could do what my mechanic once advised for a pseudo fault on the ECU of the Renault I used to have, it always displayed the fault even though there clearly wasn't one. Resetting the ECU had no effect. He said "cover the display with a bit of insulation tape".

[Tizer]

One of today's papers has a front page cartoon showing two people looking at the remains of a wall clock. The face is smashed, the fingers hanging off, bits of clockwork all over the floor, holes in the wall, and a hammer and mallet lying on the floor. One person is saying to the other `Who let Boris adjust the clock?'

[Marilyn]

We were heading out in the car the other day when everything started beeping and the interior light went on every time we went over a bit of a bump in the road ( our own street has regular speed bumps so light was flashing on all the way up the street). No sign that any door or boot was not quite shut. We were driving past the car dealer anyway so we beeped and flashed our way there. The man that came to hear our problem had no idea what was going on and had never heard of it before, but he suggested we book in for a service. Well that wasn’t going to happen as we had a service in the last month!
Finally he opened all the doors and ran his hands over all the door sensors. Instant cure. Dirty sensor in the back passenger door!

Who would have thunk?!
(And why was this little gem not anywhere in the manual?)

[Stanley]

I think I have said this before. The more complicated you make a car the more often it will go wrong.

[Tizer]

Maz, people no longer know how to write manuals and guides (and book indexes). It's been so for a decade or two now. A while back I bought a Canon G11 camera. Once I'd got to know it well I wrote a `tips & tricks' article on the G11 for a photography forum explaining a number of features available on the camera that weren't even mentioned in the manual. I got expressions of thanks, even from professional photographers!

[Stanley]

One of the funniest reads I ever found was the original English Language manual for the Honda 50. which appeared in 1966. (LINK)
If you like tortured English, this is for you!

[PanBiker]

First ever Video Recorder (JVC) workshop manual. I was vexed for quite while with "Younger Amps" in the circuit description, they were liberally distributed throughout the circuitry. Penny dropped after pouring over the circuit diagram. The Japs have no direct equivalent word to describe a pre-amp stage in electronics, hence "Younger".

[chinatyke]

Many Chinese instruction leaflets are still as bad. Nanning holds the China-Asean Expo every year and many people attend from the 10 Asean countries. The signage is in Chinese and English and includes many howlers. I once offered to edit Nanning Governments English translations free of charge. That went down like a lead balloon because they had their own English department. "You think our people can't do it themselves?" Loss of face - a big thing here.
Carefully fall down the stairs.
Carefully fall in the lake.
We call it Chinglish.

[Stanley]

I think the brand of French used in Montreal would have similarly amused the French. Things like a bar called 'Le Paddock' and dog food labelled 'Confeiture du chien'.