OneGuyFromBarlick

Ikea are doing a self assembly Christmas tree. May need some patience though.

Oh poor little piggies

I know that people have been worried about immigration but I heard a minister on the radio this morning talking about sausages needing a certificate to cross the border. Is this what they meant by taking back control?

Gove made a point yesterday of saying that British Sausages would continue to be delivered without any interruption of supply. Glad he is sorting the serious stuff first.

Heard in an interview with an accountant.
"How do you escape when being chased by a bear in the woods? Answer, run faster than your friend."

Not sure whether this will pass the OG censorship but it made me smile..

Not sure whether this will pass the OG censorship but it made me smile.. If its not there tonight I know it didn't

It passed as far as I'm concerned. It's quite common actually, ask any lady who sells lingerie. Men who have absolutely no idea of sizes and think that taking an interest in such things is embarrassing. I blame the mothers!

Sent to us by my Mrs Tiz's sister...

If anyone gets a private message from me about tinned meat don't open it, it's spam.

I may have posted before
A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry . Paddy consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Marks and Spencer’s and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Marks and Spencer’s had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Paddy unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Paddy sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Patrick
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

Oh dear.....
If you have posted it before Bodge I don't remember it and it was definitely worth posting again.

Stanley wrote: ↑14 Dec 2020, 03:17 Oh dear.....
If you have posted it before Bodge I don't remember it and it was definitely worth posting again.

It has been on before but it gets more elaborate each time!