Old fashioned clean jokes

[Stanley]

I like that one Cathy.....

[Big Kev]

Me and P have just been to the cinema to see that film Suffragette.

Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.

Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park we rushed in and caught the credits...

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Tizer]

The spoof cartoon based on the Truss/Kwarteng book `Britannia Unchained' is good - it's what I'd have wanted to draw if I was a cartoonist.

I've just seen this on the BBC web site...
The Sun has a photograph of Mr Hunt meeting Treasury aides, with a speech bubble of him saying: "Gosh, these figures are startling" - and an official replying: "Yes that's the number of chancellors we've had since July."

[Tripps]

take me to your leader.jpg

[PanBiker]

[Stanley]

Good one David

[Tizer]

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the asking.'
The cat thought for a minute and then said 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'
God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.'
God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.. God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay?
How have you been doing? Are you happy?'
The cat replied, 'Oh, it is wonderful. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!'

[Big Kev]

[Cathy]

[Stanley]

[plaques]

Chips 1 .jpg

[Stanley]

Have you been watching the Talk talk advert?

[Cathy]

My son’s birthday is coming up and he’s been begging me for a pet spider. So I went to our local pet shop for a price but they were £35!
No way Jose, I thought - I can get one much cheaper, off the web.

[Stanley]

[Tripps]

Laura Lou.jpg

[Cathy]

Oh dear.

[Stanley]

The old ones are always the Best!

[Big Kev]

UK economy set for double-digit growth as Carrie Johnson spotted wallpaper shopping

[Cathy]

Dare I?… yeah, why not

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in his stomach.
“That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure it does,” he replied, “It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

[Big Kev]

[Tizer]

Oooh, Cathy, you are wicked!

[Big Kev]

I was born a male. I identify as a male... But according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, I’m actually a family of four.

[Big Kev]

Following on from the media story around the lettuce lasting longer than Liz Truss remaining in office. As the lettuce won I wonder if it would have voted leaf or romaine.