Old fashioned clean jokes

[Stanley]

Cathy, that reminds me of the couple who won the pools. The wife asked her husband "What shall we do about the begging letters?" he answered, "Send them out as usual!"

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.

He says, "uno, dos..." *poof*... He disappeared without a tres.

[Stanley]

I suppose.....

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

That's black humour Cathy.....

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

A nun wakes up one morning And as she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen the first door after hers opens up and another nun exits and says "Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"
As the first nun continues down the hallway this keeps happening. "Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!" "Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"
By the end of the hallway, and 15 times later the first nun is LIVID, and marches straight to the head sister's office and throws the door open. The head nun goes to speak, when the other shouts "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I GOT UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED THIS MORNING! IT'S ALL I'VE HEARD THIS MORNING AND I'M FED UP WITH IT."
The head nun, stunned, says calmly "I was going to say nothing of the sort! I was merely going to ask - why are you wearing the bishop's slippers?"

[Cathy]

[Stanley]

Do you know, I thought that might tickle you Cathy...

[Cathy]

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[Big Kev]

Suspicious object found at Daily Mail offices identified as a piece of factual journalism.

[Stanley]

That could be right.... It would apply to the Express as well.

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

I like that one Cath....

[Cathy]

Big Kev, I think you will like this one.

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[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

Why does everyone keep calling a white tick blue?

[Tizer]

Kev, is the one in the middle Matt Hancock?

[Big Kev]

Kev, is the one in the middle Matt Hancock?

Could be

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Tripps]

I'm not a huge fan of these Jennings cartoons, but I must say that the one from Wednesday is simply brilliant. It captured everything about the current state of the Tory party and hence the Government. The caricatures capture everything about those depicted- especially Sir Gavin. What a talent. How did we ever get into such a position?

[MickBrett]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Err, Is this taxi for me, Stanley?