Old fashioned clean jokes

[Stanley]

Very clever David

[Stanley]

Shades of Maureen Lipman!

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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Anybody relate?

[Stanley]

No problems in this house, we abide by Stanley rules......

[Big Kev]

I could be rich

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[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Tripps]

The eagerly awaited best one line joke from the Edinburgh fringe is in - a bit underwhelming I'd say.

This year the prize went to Lorna Rose Treen, with her one-liner: "I started dating a zookeeper - but it turned out he was a cheetah."

I wonder if she is related to the Treens which were in Dan Dare in the Eagle comic? Hope not.

The others included quips about British identity, inflation and someone's grandma. They were:

The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said, "Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise". (Liz Guterbock 41%);
Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now. (Amos Gill 40%);
When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast. (Sikisa 34%);
I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice. (Masai Graham 33%);
How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag. (Frank Lavender 32%);
My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic. (Roger Swift 29%);
I entered the "How not to surrender" competition and I won hands down. (Bennett Arron 29%);
Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch. (William Stone 28%);
My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films. (Daniel Foxx 26%);


I'd have gone for the Nationwide one.

My favourite from previous years - "I've just been on the holiday of a lifetime - never again!"

[Big Kev]

I'd have gone for the Nationwide one.

Me too

[Tizer]

...a bit underwhelming I'd say.

I agree. I prefer this which was in the Feedback column of The Times last Saturday. Not a joke so much as a comment on the newspaper's editors but quite funny (and it also tells us something about the hobbies of Times readers)....
Robin Mowdray observes that last weekend's guide to keeping happy pigs stated that their quarters should be "draft-free". He says "Presumably, this means that they are exempt from military service - that's good news for bacon lovers."

[Cathy]

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.

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

A wagon loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, flummoxed, speechless, perplexed, and gobsmacked.

Meanwhile, those waiting for the shipment were at a loss for words.

[PanBiker]

[Big Kev]

Took me a minute but I got it eventually

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[Stanley]

Liked the words joke but you lost me with the horses.....

[Cathy]

Hello I’m The Horse With No Name. Song.

[Big Kev]

Hello I’m The Horse With No Name. Song.

That's the one, I've Been Through The Desert On A Horse With No Name by America

[Stanley]

Ah! I know the song..... Thanks for putting me out of my misery.

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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Funny… not sure

[Stanley]

Implying Putin is crackers?

[Cathy]

No… well, haha.
It’s actually another Song