HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[PanBiker]

No doors and no hand washing facilities either!

[Tizer]

The covid virus wouldn't stand a chance in the old pub urinals - the local bugs would have booted it out, off their patch!

[Stanley]

Lots to be said these days for peeing behind a tree!
That reminded me of this....



Sorry about that....

[Stanley]

Kitchen curtains dry well and iron themselves if you re-hang them wet from the washing machine......

[Stanley]

Don't get excited too soon when people start talking about 'returning to normal'. Nobody knows when this will be or under what conditions. My own estimate on current evidence is that we will be lucky if we see some kind of normal inside 18 months.
Mind you, it is also possible that the virus could be self-extinguishing in that it could lose its virulence. This has happened before they tell me. But don't hold your breath, that's a very remote possibility.

[Tizer]

When we feel like complaining or criticising those who are fighting the pandemic we should remember that this situation is unprecedented. We have a virtually unknown, invisible enemy and we have to learn day by day how to conquer it. Perhaps this is good training for when we get our first invasion of aliens from outer space (although they may be easier to deal with than coronavirus!).

[Stanley]

Resist the urge to contract a dose of the virus and 'get it over with'. We know so little we don't even know if infection confers immunity.

[Stanley]

Just because you have a runny nose when walking in a bitter east wind doesn't mean you have contracted Covid19!

[Stanley]

As you all know, I am an advocate of 'make do and mend' but there comes a time when you have got to admit that you need a fresh start. My kitchen light is a case in point. I shall start again with new units instead of replacing everything. All I need now is for the Sparks I have identified to get back to me today!

[Stanley]

The cure for worry is action. I have arranged a solution for my lighting problems and they no longer concern me, relief is at hand!

[Stanley]

When casting about for jobs to fill in the time, don't forget to consider just sitting still and thinking.... I think the have a fancy name for it these days, is it called 'mindfulness' now? Dead easy to do and sometimes very surprising. Just sit quiet and let your mind wander....

[Stanley]

Never underestimate the value of good lighting. I let my eyes slip off the ball and realise now I have rectified my problems how much unnecessary grief I have been subjecting myself to!

[Stanley]

If you are in trouble one of the worst places to start to look for a solution is seeking someone to blame. This is often a fig leaf for covering your own mistakes.

[Stanley]

If you've got used to frying in vegetable oil, be brave and next time you change the oil try using beef dripping instead. This has no effect on your blood cholesterol levels unless you eat far too much of it and gives you much better tasting fried food.

[Stanley]

Don't allow your sterile hand washing to slack off as the lockdown continues. It's easy to taper off, resist it!

[Stanley]

Nothing quite beats a pot of really good ground coffee first thing in the morning.

[Stanley]

If there's a chance you might give up smoking, don't carry good stocks of tobacco! It's a bummer when it's sat there in the cupboard afterwards!

[PanBiker]

Have you dumped the means to smoke it with?

[Cathy]

I thought your tobacco was up for sale Stanley.

[plaques]

It'll go up in smoke with him at the Bancroft send off. Always was a bit of a show off.

[Big Kev]

If you want to save money at Christmas, now is the time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

[Stanley]

My mate Steve was telling me to smoke it but I told him that would not be wise, it would start me off again. I still have me pipes Ian but will not break down and start again. If any of you knows of anyone who wants some legal half price tobacco point them at me.
Kev, I knew a woman who told her kids the ice cream chimes were what the van used to let everyone know they were sold out....

[PanBiker]

I know very few people who still smoke and even less who smoke a pipe.

[plaques]

Once the pubs open I'm sure there's plenty of people who roll there own and a bit of pipe tobacco mixed with the compulsory weed which they appear to smoke should be a good outlet.

[PanBiker]

I was going to say that I could flog it on Ebay for you Stanley but they have blocked the sale of tobacco on the platform.