HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[Stanley]

I work on the old fashioned school of thought that a bit of burned on vapour in an oven isn't the end of the world... After all it gets sterilised every time the oven is used.....

[Stanley]

One memory that sticks in my mind is the fact that my mother never washed her baking tins, she said it spoiled them if you did. Good chefs treat their cast iron frying pans the same way, just swill with water and dry them....

[Stanley]

Old cast iron pans with tin lids cook far more evenly than the modern thinner pans.

[Stanley]

When cleaning surfaces or table tops, always remember to wipe under the edge. Jimmy Talbot, landlord of the Craven Heifer showed me this tip. If you feel under the edge of most pub tables you'll find knobs of dried on beer!

[Stanley]

If your mouse gets a bit sticky, scrub it hard on a rough towel ten polish the bottom and the mouse mat with good furniture polish. It will glide like silk....

[Cathy]

Thanks Stanley, I'll try that one

[Stanley]

Works like a charm Cathy and much nicer to use. Takes me back to the days of cleaning mouse balls and the rollers they sat in.

[Stanley]

I noted this morning that I only have eight toilet rolls in the house! This is dangerous and must be rectified this day! My God, my mother didn't half imprint me when I was a lad.....

[Stanley]

Newsprint cut into squares and hung on a string in the lavatory is a very acceptable substitute for bought toilet paper. The ink ensures that it has a certain germicidal level.
Don't laugh too much. Clean newspaper was favoured by midwives for many purposes by midwives because of this property. Nobody ever got food poisoning from eating fish and chips out of a newspaper wrapping. Remember the days when you took your papers there when you went for fish and chips?

[Cathy]

I remember fish and chips being served in newspaper, they tasted better, maybe it was the smell of vinegar mixing with the smell of the newspaper. I don't remember having to take my own sheets of newspaper tho.

[Stanley]

You didn't have to do it Cathy but many people did. My mother used to send me with a bundle of Manchester Guardians and Sunday Expresses every now and again even if we weren't wanting fish and chips. When I was at Sough I used them for green-groceries....

[Stanley]

When scrubbing stone flags a bit of sharp sand scattered over them can make it a lot easier to get moss and lichen off without using harsh chemicals that are bad for the plants.

[Stanley]

The old fashioned wicker shopping basket was very popular and had the advantage that a lot of the dirt off the spuds dropped out through the wickerwork on the way home!

[Cathy]

I remember when fruit was displayed with a little open wrapping of paper around it, was it green paper?

[PanBiker]

Were Jaffa's in blue or was that just the little label to seal the tissue?

[Tizer]

If you ate fish & chips out of our newspapers now they'd probably be an unappetising black colour. The ink they use is more environment friendly but the side-effect is that the ink comes off more easily.

Do you remember the `wheelie' shopping baskets? Mrs Tiz's mum always used one and so did Mrs Tiz until the supermarkets took over.

[chinatyke]

Do you remember the `wheelie' shopping baskets? Mrs Tiz's mum always used one and so did Mrs Tiz until the supermarkets took over.

They are still in use here! My wife has one and repairs it when it breaks - Stanley and Chairman Mao would be proud of her. Very useful for bringing home the spuds!

[Stanley]

Cathy, the more fragile fruits were almost always wrapped in tissue. I think improved packing in boxes with separators stopped that. Sometimes only the top layer was wrapped for display.
Plenty of wheeled trolleys in Barlick. Some of them four wheeled and acting as a mobility aid.

[Cathy]

When it's time to vacuum and if you have pets I find it helps to deal with them and their bedding etc before vacuuming the house. Give your pets coat a good brush (or vacuum it if possible), shake out your pets bedding or towel/blanket etc it uses for anywhere it likes to lounge, then vacuum the house, then vacuum the pets brush. I find it extends the time before I have to vacuum again.

[Stanley]

Good advice Cathy. There's no doubt about it that dogs and cats do put a burden on the housekeeping but on the whole they are worth it. Jack drops hairs but they are not as bad to vacuum up as Jack Russell hairs which seemed to hook into carpets. I had a good vacuum round yesterday with the new Hoover. I'm getting less carpet fibre and dog hairs now but still large amounts of very heavy dust. I think it is removing another layer deep in the carpets each time I do it. It will be interesting to see whether this eventually slackens off.....

[Tizer]

Give your pets coat a good brush (or vacuum it if possible)...

Not recommended for hamsters and gerbils!!

[PanBiker]

My sister once vacuumed one of her pet budgies and had one fly up the chimney while poking the fire. Not much luck with budgies our lass!

[Tizer]

Budgies...I guess you all remember the joke about the carpet fitter?

[Stanley]

No! Please post immediately! I have a parrot story..... Here's an extract form Volume Two of me Memoirs. Sorry about the length but it's a good story.

Another favourite was Joe Jagger and his wife at Royd Farm, Ripponden. Joe was a big bluff bull of a man who had a defective volume control, he could only shout! He and his wife used to hold conversations across the yard at the tops of their voices and it was a pantomime. Joe was no mug, he had a gritting contract with the local council and a small milk round as well I think. When the surveyors were laying out the line of the M62 across Rocking Stones Moor they had a big problem, the moor was so rough and boggy that the only way they could get about efficiently was with a helicopter. This was costing a lot of money and they were looking for a way round the problem. Joe got to hear about this in the pub one night and said he could solve their problem at much less cost. He fitted them out with ponies and sledges, the method that local farmers had been using for transport on the moor and steep slopes for at least a thousand years. It solved most of the problems and I’m sure Joe made a bob or two out of it.
I called in one day to pick up a jersey cow which was Mrs Jagger’s favourite. She kept telling me how beautiful its eyes were and what a lovely milker it was, funny thing is that it died on the next owner! I have a theory that cattle which have been kept by women always pine when they leave them, not scientific I know but I’ve see it happen too many times.
This particular day it was my last stop and I was feeling a bit peckish. Joe asked me if I wanted a pork buttie and a pot of tea and this seemed like a good idea so we went in the house. Now everyone has a different idea of what constitutes an acceptable level of tidiness in a house, on a scale of one to ten, Joe and his wife would be at about three! Everything needed to support human life was on the table, including the milk and butter and a parrot in a cage. There was an enormous roll top desk which had three secret compartments in it, I know because Joe showed me all of them! When we went in the kitchen Joe grabbed a balm cake and ripped it in half, then he got hold of the meat and tore a piece off it with his hands, I should mention that they were covered in cow muck! He slapped the meat between the two halves of the balm cake and gave it me. Just at this moment Mrs Jagger came in with my pint of tea and asked Joe if he’d offered me any stuffing. I said I’d like some so Joe opened my buttie up, grabbed a jug off the table and poured some liquid stuffing on like sauce! I have to report it was one of the best pork butties I have ever had! ( I wonder why I never had E-Coli?)
We sat there drinking tea and Joe asked me if I wanted to buy a parrot. As a matter of fact I’d have loved a parrot but Vera couldn’t stand birds, she had a phobia about them. A sparrow got into the bedroom after I had gone to work one morning and she waited until Fred Smith the milkman came and got him to come upstairs and get the bird out of the room before she’d get up. I hasten to add she wasn’t frightened of anything else as far as I know, not even me! She used to say I was like an orange, thick-skinned on the outside and soft in the centre! Be that as it may, Joe wasn’t taking no for an answer and he took the parrot out of the cage and put it on my shoulder. He said I could have it for thirty bob with the cage thrown in. This was suspiciously cheap but I was enjoying the parrot rubbing up against my ear and muttering to me ‘Eh, th’art a grand ‘un.” and then it bit my ear! I shot out of my chair with blood streaming down my neck, the parrot took off and Joe shouted to me to block the fireplace or it would go up the chimney. The parrot was zooming round the kitchen knocking ornaments off the mantelpiece and the top of the desk and at this moment Mrs Jagger returned and gave Joe the biggest tongue lashing I’ve ever seen anyone hand out. It turned out that the parrot belonged to his son and was known to be vicious, Joe got a kick out of seeing it bite people! It took us ten minutes to catch it and get it back in the cage, Mrs Jagger calmed down a bit and we all started laughing. I had to admit that it was funny.

[Tizer]

The budgie joke is spoilt once you know it's about a budgie! But the gist of it is this carpet fitter who spends ages laying a carpet for an old lady and then stands back to look at his perfect job of work while having a fag. He puts his hand in his pocket...but there's no fag packet, and at the same moment he sees a bump in the middle of the carpet. Oh no, now he knows where his fags are! He doesn't want to have to lift the carpet so he gets his hammer and flattens the lump. He bids the lady farewell and gets in his van. Then he sees his fag packet sitting on the dash at the same moment as the old lady runs out of the house and shouts "Have you seen my budgie anywhere, it's got out of its cage?"