OneGuyFromBarlick

That reminds me of Groucho Marx Kev. He was in a concert hall listening to a pianist and turned to his friend. "music can be so moving! Let's get out of here, this is terrible!"

Yep! I reckon that could happen.

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Oh no, a dad joke...
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

And another...
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

How much will you pay me to stop posting such jokes?

Tizer wrote: ↑31 Dec 2023, 10:05
How much will you pay me to stop posting such jokes?

Keep 'em coming

Angel of the Morph

I stumbled across these today, they always made me laugh when Terry Wogan read them out on the radio.
https://www.last.fm/music/Terry+Wogan/T ... hn+Stories

Just in case anyone needed them

Just read Ann Trenneman in The Times writing about buying her 2024 diary. Rather than a `proper' diary she prefers to buy a standard notebook so she can organise it as she wishes. When she reached home and got the notebook out of her bag she realised she'd bought it while not wearing her glasses. On the front was `My Notebook' in big bold letters and all the pages had suggestions on how to improve oneself. And when she opened the front cover it had a colourful map of the world and, again in big bold letters: `Travel the World and Get Lost'.

I like both of them...... Thanks David and Kev.

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antartica? Where do they all go?
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Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguini is a very ritualistic bird and lives an extremely ordered and complex life. Penguins are extremely committed to their family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout the remainder of their life.
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If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and their social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using only their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
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After packing the ice back in the hole, the male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
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“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
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You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you”
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A genuine shaggy dog story Cathy. Quite a long time since I heard one.....

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Nice one Peter!

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Stop blaming yourself and others, learn feng shui and blame the furniture.