Family Matters

[Marilyn]

Condolences, mixed with relief it is over for you...the last couple of months have been a rough ride.
Thinking of you.

[Wendyf]

Thanks Maz & Cathy, I can only feel relief at the moment, she had been so distressed over the last few weeks and things were only going to get worse. The sadness will come later I'm sure.

[Gloria]

Sorry to hear that Wendy, big hug x

[Tizer]

I'm sorry to hear you've lost your mum Wendy but glad to know it was free of extra distress for her when the time came. The more I see of old age the greater the value I place on a peaceful, distress-free exit from this world. You'll soon start being able to reverse the memory tape in your brain so you can remember her as she was in better times.

[PanBiker]

Sorry to hear that Wendy, sincere condolences from Sally and myself. Not unexpected and it sound like she passed quietly. We are thinking of you.

[plaques]

Wendy, sorry to here the news. Time is the only healer.

[Sue]

So sorry to hear that Wendy, my thoughts are with you and the family, but it least it was fast and peaceful. Remember you did everything and more, a good daughter who always cared.

[LizG]

I'm so sorry to hear your news Wendy. She will always be in your heart.

[Stanley]

I'm glad she went quietly and without distress Wendy. I think I know what you are feeling now and not surprising that the main feeling is relief. I went down the same track as you in that though mother died quietly and quickly in hospital I looked after her at home for 18 moths before the end. I never had a storm of grief and one of the nurses told me after the death that she knew I had been looking after her and she said I'd done my grieving in that 18 months. I hope it works the same for you, quiet regret that she is gone but inner peace because you know you did all you could. I felt slight guilt because I welcomed mother's death as a release but soon got over that. Main thing is to look after yourself because funnily enough the main danger as I see it is similar to post natal depression, a very important process in your life has finished and it leaves a space. Your job now is giving Colin all the support you can. Looking after the horses will help as well! It wouldn't surprise me at all if you miss the trips into Leeds! Big hug.....

[Sue]

Well said Stanley.

[Stanley]

Wendy is on my mind....

[Nolic]

Wendy, my condolences. I know what you are going threough in terms of mixed emotions but take heart from what others are saying. Colin

[Wendyf]

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. No need to worry about me, I'm still feeling relieved that Mum doesn't have to suffer any more. She had a long, happy life and was well supported by family, friends and neighbours - so no guilt, no grief, just acceptance.
The organisation of the funeral can start today, and as Mum was not a religious person we are hoping to have a Humanist celebration of her life.

[Sue]

A celebration of life is so good. We did that for Dad. People who came said it was the nicest funeral they had ever been to, full of joy and celebration for a man who had had a full life. Keep smiling Wendy. The next few days will be hard, then a sad few months. Slowly the sad memories will turn to good ones, and you will start to remember the fun things that happened in Yours and your mums life.

[Stanley]

Lovely post Wendy, I shall stop worrying about you....

[plaques]

My brother's funeral was on the Humanist lines. His wife thought it would be inappropriate to have religious type service. There were plenty of speakers each recalling some anecdote from his life. His son chose a snippet from the Monty Python sketch "The Four Yorkshiremen" Link. It just fitted my brother's sense humour. Its not often that you get a few minutes of open laughter at funeral services. He would have liked that.

[Stanley]

The closest I ever came to a humanist funeral was when my steeplejack friend Peter Tatham was cremated at Rochdale. A large man stepped out to the front when we were all seated, pulled his pocket watch out and said "Right, we all know what Peter's view of religion was so we'll have two minutes for private thoughts, two verses of Abide With Me and then off to the pub" That was exactly what happened. As we walked away a mate of mine remarked that it was the last time Peter would go up a chimney....
I've just remembered Doctor Arthur Morrison's funeral at Thornton in Craven. The minister admitted to us that he wasn't sure why he was there because Arthur had always made it quite clear what his views were on organised religion so he kept the service as short as possible.

[Wendyf]

Mum's funeral tomorrow...it's been a long wait. All arrangements are made, and our only worry is that there will be too many people to fit in the pub for refreshments afterwards! I only learnt yesterday that about 15 of her friends from the lunch club and exercise class she went to are going to be coming...too late to adjust the numbers.
A couple of my friends are coming down from Scotland and will be staying over tomorrow night, so we are looking forward to a relaxing evening with a bottle of wine or two to help wind down at the end of the day.

[LizG]

When we were trying to predict numbers for catering for my Father-in-laws funeral a couple of weeks ago we told to count on more people turning up than we expected. We allowed for 20 extras and there were even more. Since he was 87 a lot of his friends had stopped driving so they all turned up with a driver. Lots of people to catch up with over a light lunch.There were about 120!

An odd thing to say maybe, but for a funeral it was actually quite nice. Lots of memories. I hope your Mum's funeral is the same Wendy and that you talk about lots of happy times with your friends at the end of the day.

[Stanley]

The catering will sort itself out Wendy.... I suspect you'll have an emotional but good day. Wakes are some of the best functions I have ever attended. If I can manage it I'm going to have mine before I die!

[LizG]

The catering will sort itself out Wendy.... I suspect you'll have an emotional but good day. Wakes are some of the best functions I have ever attended. If I can manage it I'm going to have mine before I die!

My friend did just that Stanley. A bit peculiar to start but turned out to be a great party. She died about 3 months later.

[Sue]

I hope today is not too sad. Rejoice in mums life.

[Stanley]

Liz, great!!!!

[Wendyf]

The day went well. The service was lovely, and many people said how much they had enjoyed it, despite the sad occasion. There was plenty of food for everyone at the pub afterwards, where a number of Mum's friends from the "Live at Home Scheme" swelled the numbers, and I was delighted that old friends of mine came from Scotland and Kent to be there in support. So many people to talk to, I was drained but happy by the end of the day and very pleased when we got home to our peaceful hillside to relax in the evening sun with good friends and bottle of wine or two.

[Sue]

Now wind down, relax, and remember the happy times.