Family Matters

Post by **Moh** » 14 Jan 2015, 11:43

Keep your chin up Liz.

Post by **Tizer** » 14 Jan 2015, 20:31

You never know what's coming next, do you Liz? You think things are going one way and then next minute it's all changed and there's a different problem. And the outcome is so dependent on so many other circumstances. Totally unpredictable and we have to just keep doing our best. We'll be thinking about you...

Post by **Stanley** » 15 Jan 2015, 04:13

And I think I know what is going through your mind at the moment Liz. If I'm right, don't feel guilty about it. If that happened to me, my advance directive instructs the medics not to revive me. There has to be a final resolution eventually, none of us can escape it. Having said that I know what a shock it is for you, look after yourself.....

Cathy · Post by **Cathy** » 15 Jan 2015, 07:08

Thinking of you all Liz and sending you good thoughts

Post by **Sue** » 15 Jan 2015, 08:22

What a shock. So sorry, hope everything turns out ok.

Happy birthday, it's mine tomorrow.

LizG · Post by **LizG** » 15 Jan 2015, 20:56

I appreciate all you comments, thank you everyone.

Re Dad; They have warmed him up and stopped sedation but no great response yet. He developed an infection overnight and antibiotics have started. The doctors have called a family meeting for this afternoon. Sounds a little ominous.

Re Mum; She has another UTI and her mind has disappeared again. The rehab hospital have agreed to keep her there for another week until we know a bit more about Dad. Apparently then there is another 13 weeks in the system in 'transition to care'.

So we have to start looking at nursing homes in our spare time.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just can't quite see it yet.

Marilyn · Post by **Marilyn** » 15 Jan 2015, 21:19

So you are basically in a holding pattern on all fronts, which must be stressful. I've been checking on here often and was getting that sinking feeling re your Dad because we hadn't heard back from you...let's hope they can give you some positive news later today though. Must be a new thing to cool cardiac patients(?), because my hubby has five or six stents now and has had a triple bypass but I can't recall him being cooled. then again, the ICU requested I stay away whilst he was on life support and he was awake by the time I saw him, so perhaps the cooling was never mentioned. I do remember the stress I felt though, and my thoughts are with you.

Post by **Stanley** » 16 Jan 2015, 04:45

I'm thinking about you Liz. And your dad and mum....

Post by **Wendyf** » 16 Jan 2015, 09:11

Same here.

LizG · Post by **LizG** » 16 Jan 2015, 09:42

So today's meeting wasn't great. The prognosis is only 30% that he will ever go home, if he wakes up at all. If he has another heart attack they will not attempt to resuscitate. Kidneys are starting to fail and there is no sign of him waking up.

Had a day of visiting Mum today because she doesn't know if you've been or not at the moment. Back to it all tomorrow.

Marilyn · Post by **Marilyn** » 16 Jan 2015, 11:28

So...can they tell you if its a brain problem or his body systems failing, Liz?
( I am only asking this because my hubby developed Septicaemia and they nearly killed him to cure him...his liver and kidneys almost failed but it was due to the antibiotics...and at the time it was a risk they were willing to take. Mind you, they admitted later that they were alarmed at the degree they had to knock out his liver and kidneys in the process! And it was lovely to find they returned to normal function some weeks later. Lots of "high fives" by the doctors, but sometimes they forget there is a human at risk beneath those sheets.)

LizG · Post by **LizG** » 16 Jan 2015, 21:23

They won't really know until he wakes up, although they are sure there will be physical and mental impairment, just not how much.

The problem with the kidneys is exactly as you say, they are having problems moving all the drugs out of his body; hence the wakeup time is a lot longer than for a normal healthy person.The other problem is all the chemo, radiotherapy, and drugs he's had to take subsequently have also taken a toll on his body. And he's 88.

Marilyn · Post by **Marilyn** » 17 Jan 2015, 00:49

What a shame your Mum is not fit enough to sit with him just now...

Post by **Stanley** » 17 Jan 2015, 05:21

Thinking about you Liz.....

LizG · Post by **LizG** » 17 Jan 2015, 06:53

Marilyn wrote:What a shame your Mum is not fit enough to sit with him just now...

Mum had a hissy fit on the phone at me at 8am today wanting to go to see him. We've organised to take her in a wheelchair taxi on Monday, but we've also organised a Carer to go with her to manged the fallout. When we got there today she had packed everyting around her to take home, including the hospital phone. She got someone to unplug it from the wall and she wound up the cord. She was intending for me to take her to the hospital and she was staying there with him; not going back to her hospital! Dementia has well and truly kicked in. She's not speaking to me or my sister at the moment because 'we are so mean'.

No change with Dad.

Sorry to all those of you who are getting bored with this but it does help to vent!

Thank you Stanley

Cathy · Post by **Cathy** » 17 Jan 2015, 06:57

Keep on venting Liz, you need to. Wish some of us were there to help you all.

Post by **Nolic** » 17 Jan 2015, 07:29

Know just how you feel Liz. We go through the same issues with Cath's mum who insists that Bernard is at home and we are stopping her from returning - Bernard died in October 2013. Nolic

Post by **Tizer** » 17 Jan 2015, 10:43

And my Dad believes everybody is stealing from him, sits in an armchair facing the open door from the hall `to catch them' (but is asleep almost all the time), cancelled his newspaper because `it costs too much' (and now claims he didn't cancel it), no longer watches TV because his hearing is so bad (the carers set it to show subtitles but he can't be bothered looking at them. He won't change his underwear and refuses baths. The carers say he's the most difficult person they've ever had. When we saw the senior carer yesterday she said "I know this isn't professional..." then threw her arms up in the arm and shouted "Aaaaargh!!!" And she's a very capable and forceful lady. He now can't hear or understand what we say no matter how loud we shout and how close to his ear, but he doesn't really try and just pulls a face and says "Can't hear". The hearing aids don't help so we're trying to get his hearing checked and the aids tested but the NHS is in such a mess at the moment that they say we have to wait 14 weeks before they can even set an appointment - and then the appointment may be long after then!

Mrs Tiz's parents are in the same state as before, Dad said the other day it was the worst day of his life, Mum can't speak and is mostly confined to bed. Now we have another relative, my cousin in her 70s, who has been admitted to hospital with psychosis. Her husband died of cancer about 10 years ago and she had a bad do then but it's returned and we think she might not be able to live independently again. He was a very strong character, a lovely man with oodles of confidence and a positive attitude to life and she probably suffers because she was so used to him being the organiser. She won't make any friends and doesn't want to go out, ended up in depression and then started doing odd things, hence the psychosis diagnosis.

Amidst all this the carers are angels, they put up with all sorts of difficult situations and I admire them for their professional behaviour and the loving care they give to all. They're underpaid, underestimated and often criticised in the press...but 99% of them are wonderful.

LizG · Post by **LizG** » 18 Jan 2015, 00:38

Reality check. Everyone has problems, its just that you focus on your own!

I'm having a day off visiting everyone today. We are heading out for lunch.

Post by **Stanley** » 18 Jan 2015, 04:57

My only defence when I read these posts is to reflect that if there are truly treasures in heaven you lot are well in credit. Having said that, another thought kicks in, is all this stress and effort worth it? Trouble is of course that there is no solid ground between these two poles and we are forced to endure.... I have so much respect for all of you....
Keep 'venting' Liz, far better than exploding!

Post by **Stanley** » 19 Jan 2015, 06:21

Liz is on my mind......

LizG · Post by **LizG** » 19 Jan 2015, 06:27

Thanks Stanley. I'm trying not to overwhelm everyone with my problems every day but since you asked here's just a quick update. We managed to get Mum over to see Dad today; she was shocked. TheICU nurse was wonderful and she organised 2 blokes to get her out of the wheelchair and hold her steady so she could give him a kiss. And boy did she give him a kiss. So at least that is one mission accomplished.

Post by **Stanley** » 19 Jan 2015, 06:32

That's a ray of light in the gloom Liz! Might not do your dad any good but I'm sure your mum appreciated it. Such a shock for her, isolated she was wrapped up in her own problems, now she perhaps realises that these are secondary at the moment. I hope it has a good effect....

Marilyn · Post by **Marilyn** » 19 Jan 2015, 07:16

Ah...how can a kiss like that not have power!?
( it would have reduced me to a wobbly mess to witness it)
Hope it works it's magic on both sides.

Post by **Stanley** » 19 Jan 2015, 07:20

You old romantic.....

OneGuyFromBarlick

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