Family Matters

[Stanley]

I have a grand daughter who has a long term chronic heart complaint. Question is how far down the line does my worry responsibility extend? It doesn't make any difference to the outcome and has an effect on me. Should we be more pragmatic? Or is this just an excuse for being hard-hearted? My attitude is to worry but I can't help recognising it is not productive.....I tell the kids not to worry about me but I know they do and they will in future. Bit of a puzzle....

[Tizer]

Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her. It's likely she'll say "Yes, don't worry about me and get on with enjoying your own life".

[Stanley]

Exactly... been done.
I got my annual statement for my small private pension yesterday and it reminded me of the discussion we had on annuities when Tiz was picking his way through the minefield. If you remember I opted for the smaller annuity but with the 3% increase each year. It was £148.92 a month last year and this year it's £154. How long do I have to live before I bankrupt them?

[Tizer]

That's where my Dad scored a goal. He didn't have a fancy management job, he was a supervisor of women making valves and, later transistors, at Philips but when he reached 60 he and a number of others were offered a retirement deal which included an inflation-protected pension, which he wouldn't have got under normal conditions. He's now had 36 years with his pension rising each year with inflation and he's probably bankrupting Philips! He worked for them from 1946 until retiring, so he's had more years on their pension than on their wage bill! Mind you, I think in all those years he was only off work once, for a few days with kidney trouble.

[Sue]

My dad too helped bankrupt Philips, dying at 95. As for my great aunt we were always getting letters to check if she was still eligible for war widows pension WW1 that is. She died at 99 years and 10 months.

[Tizer]

Philips were usually fair with staff, typical of Anglo-Dutch companies, the Dutch influence. I worked for Reed-Elsevier for several years, also Anglo-Dutch, and they were the same.

[Stanley]

What strikes me is that even though I knew nothing about pensions and annuities and simply converted with Pearl (That's who Phoenix were then) the providence that looks after drunken men and idiots looked after me! I look at the problems people have today and the minefield that has been created to make money for the Lords of the Universe and I have been very lucky.....

[Tizer]

Had a funny encounter with my Dad this morning. He shaves each day with an electric razor but at intervals I have to give him some extra attention under his chin or he'll end up with straggly `mutton chops'. When I'd done it he had a go at normal shaving (even thought it had already been done). After a moment we realised that he was using the razor without turning it on! Then he said "This is good, where did you get it?" I told him it was his and he used it each morning but he didn't believe me and wanted to know where he could find it. I had to show him where it normally sits, plugged into the shaving socket under his bathroom mirror to keep it charged. And yet in other ways this morning he was perfectly lucid and you wouldn't guess he had any memory problems.

[Stanley]

Funny how the brain can let you down.... The other day I went to shave with my ancient Philips electric razor which I have had forever and shock horror, it was dead. I tried everything and was beginning to think it had at last self-destructed and then realised it was simply the stupid two in plug into the adaptor that was loosed. Shoved it in and panic over!

[Tizer]

That usually happens to me on a digital radio that we use to record radio programmes automatically. It's usually in the lounge but we carry it to the kitchen when we want to listen to recordings there at lunchtime. It's powered from a transformer rather than batteries and the lead that plugs in the back of the radio can catch on something get slightly pulled out; even a millimetre is enough to stop it working. About once every 3 months it catches me out and I think the radio has given up! We've had the radio, an early Pure Digital model, for many years now and the transformer eventually expired. I emailed the company and they sent me a new transformer for free.

[Stanley]

Barlick is in the digital stone age. My clock radio in the bedroom will only pick up the time adjustment signal if I hold it above me head for a while and even then it is poor reception.

[Tripps]

"The Radio 4 LW signal on a frequency of 198 kHz also carries radio data encoded using phase modulation, giving a time-of-day signal, and control signals for Economy 7 electric-heating systems." From Wikipedia.

Not a lot of people know that. Blame the Long Wave not the digital. Best not get economy seven heating - but that's unlikely.

PS Thinking a bit further - it's possible your clock is relying on the German equivalent at Mainflingen near Frankfurt. DCF77 which will be weaker.

[PanBiker]

That's interesting Tripps. Like I have said over in the amateur radio threads, there is all sorts goes on in the radio spectrum that most folk don't hear. To some extent, the domestic frequency bands use semi sanitised forms of modulation so it all sounds nice for the end user. Digital is another step in that direction. Not available on any of our local transmitters feeding the town. Stanley gets his "fix" from Holme Moss which just about scrapes into Barlick. Some areas of the town can receive it with an outside antenna. I hear nothing on my DAB radio with an internal wire, not really bothered either. I can get much more exciting signals up in my loft.

[Tizer]

"My clock radio in the bedroom will only pick up the time adjustment signal if I hold it above me head for a while and even then it is poor reception."
It's the screening effect due to high treacle levels in the locality.

[Stanley]

Or the bits of metal dust in the house! I listen to the radio on FM as there is no digital signal on the bedside table. The only time I put it in DAB mode is to correct the clock as it is impossible using Sony's instructions..... I've found that if I put it in CAB and hold it above my head near the wall it will correct if I am patient....
How's Liz going on? Did Sue's house sale go through? How is Tiz's dad......?

[LizG]

Update from me. I've been had time off visiting hospitals because I got the worst case of gastro I've ever had. I'm going for the record; 13 days and counting. A particularly nasty bug, probably being run down didn't help.

My focus is on next Wednesday when we go to court for permission to manage Mum's finances. Its the only way we can do it without power of attorney.

[Stanley]

Liz, almost certainly exacerbated by the stress you have been, and still are, under. Susi, a good friend of mine, once said that there was a physical price to be paid for a change of life and a course in further education. I'm convinced she was right and the same thing applies to life events, they can render you prone to everything from a simple traffic accident to serious episodes of ill health. I always advise people under that sort of stress to be aware of this and look after themselves. This applies to you as well!!

[Cathy]

Oh Liz you poor thing, lots of vitamins for you, maybe even a tonic from your Doctor. Your going to need your strength and stamina.
Hope you feel better soon.

[Sue]

So sorry to hear that. Rake care, keep warm, lots of fluids. Have you seen the Dr. Could need treatment

[LizG]

I did spend some time in hospital a week ago, getting a top up of fluids, then they told me my kidneys were starting to pack up - great. I went to my own doctor this afternoon and came home with big doses of antibiotics and instructions to go to for more blood tests to check up on the kidneys.

I would like to add that all this happened when we were in NSW to watch my son umpire his first Sheffield Shield match. I only saw the inside of the caravan and the local hospital emergency room!

[Stanley]

Liz.... Just what you needed! NOT!!! Best of luck with it. Remember that doctors feel they have to 'cure' you and sometimes get a bit too enthusiastic about their test results....

[Tizer]

Oh dear, my dad's now regularly in trouble for `inappropriate behaviour' in the presence of the carers (all women). Not like him at all, he's always shy and my mum used to say he'd run a mile if a `fancy lady' looked at him! He's being assessed so they can decide how to deal with him and whether or not he'll need to move from the Extra Care House (ECH) flat to a care home. They're trying to keep him in ECH because he's always wanted to be independent but it's getting difficult now, they're not set up for people with this type of behaviour and who wander in the night. He's also doing other strange things such as putting salt in the sugar bowl and he's forever accusing the carers of stealing his property (as if any of them would want his clothes etc). Today he was even accusing them of packing his wardrobe with other people's clothes but it's all his own stuff, he just never wears it. There's nothing much we can do, he's difficult to control, and denies anything is wrong with him. He won't help himself - for example he says there's nothing to eat yet he has a big hot lunch and there's lots of food available. He won't help himself to it, you have to put the biscuits on a plate in front of him and tell him to eat them. But if you go away he leaves them or throws them in the bin or out of the window.

[Stanley]

All I can do is read about your dad and wonder at your patience.....

[Tizer]

The carers are good with him and do their best but it's not like a care home. In ECH he's effectively living in his own council flat and having carers visit him. The difference is that the flat is in a block of about 24, all ECH flats, protected by a secure entry system with a council manager on site during weekdays and carers provided on contract by a private company. The carers are there during the day, with one sleeping on site overnight in case of emergencies. Many of the people living there need a minimum of care, some who need hardly any are there more for the security than for care. My dad is at the extreme end of what the carers can cope with and is stretching the system beyond what it was intended for. Everything is now tagged on as an extra. He has to pay for his main meal in the dining room (lunch, £6 a day, shipped in from a contractor and the only meals provided by default) and any extra meals have to be prepared in his flat by the carers (and paid for at £20/hour). His washing and cleaning are being done by carers (same rates). They visit him several times during the day (same rates) make him cups of tea, give him biscuits etc and have a chat. All this is on the £20/hour rate but he gets an attendance allowance to pay for it so he isn't in danger of being `in the red'. But the trouble is that although the costs are covered the service is at it's limit yet still not enough for him. We think he's got to the stage where he needs the seamless care provided by a care home. One small example - if he's given a cup of tea and a piece of cake it has to be in his own mug and on his own plate, then washed up by the carer. That's not an efficient system and, inevitably, they don't always have time to do washing up when there are other residents demanding attention. Same thing for washing his clothes and bedding. By comparison, Mrs Tiz's parents are in a care home and tea and cake would be brought from the kitchen and the mug & plate would go back there for washing by the kitchen staff. I'm going to be discussing all this soon with the `Advanced Practitioner - Social Work, ASC Community Support Team' who's responsible for assessing my dad's needs.

[Marilyn]

Thinking of you Tizer, but I would agree it is perhaps time for him to relinquish his level of independence, because good will of carers isn't going to fill the gaps any more. He is a tricky fellow with a huge personality...bless him.