Family Matters

[Stanley]

Not too sure about 'Bless him'..... Am I being too hard?

[Tizer]

Not a phrase I would use either!

[Stanley]

It's difficult isn't it. How do we decide what is caused by failures of mental capacity and what is simply exploitation of the situation?

[Tizer]

One of the big problems as we get older is our self-belief, an assumption that we are still capable of what we did in the past, both mentally and physically. This is becoming more significant as our bodies increasingly outlive our brains. The most obvious issue is with driving and you know how that went with my father. There will have to be more testing of oldies in the future to make sure they're safe to drive but it's going to cause a lot of aggro!

[Stanley]

Of course the big problem with that is the way car culture has modified our choice of where we live. So many old people are in 'ideal locations' for retirement where a car is an essential. This even applies in towns, I always said that living on a steep hill or off the bus route with no easy access to the centre was a mistake. I chose this house because old George Swift, the bloke next door, was disabled but had access to the whole town because he had an electric wheelchair and we are only 100 yards form the shops.And of course it had an outshut that would make a good shed!
We are lucky in Barlick because we had enough sense to preserve many small cottage properties near the centre, completely against the grain in the 1950s but now these properties are snapped up as soon as they come on the market.

[Tizer]

At the Extra Care House of 24 flats where my Dad lives the security system has been wonky for at least the two years he has been there. It didn't affect security directly but it meant genuine visitors had difficulty getting in. We often had to enter the code into the main door keypad several times and occasionally had to gesticulate at windows to get attention or wait for someone with a key to arrive. The company that installed the system has been dumped by the council because they're too expensive and a new contractor has been brought in to maintain it and to fix the problem. They can't figure out how the system works and the council is now faced with having to pay them to rip it out and install a new one from scratch!

At the same time, the boiler providing the flats with heating and hot water has died and a new one had to be installed. It's a daft system for hot water - each small single-person flat has a massive hot water cylinder in the bathroom, big enough for an average family and filled with scalding hot water. Even with insulation on the cylinders it's like having an over-heating nuclear reactor core in the bathroom!

[Stanley]

Sounds like a facility that needs both systems upgrading but the council haven't enough funds. There is a case for government help with extraordinary costs like this. Is anybody making it?

[Tizer]

Sounds like a facility that needs both systems upgrading but the council haven't enough funds. There is a case for government help with extraordinary costs like this. Is anybody making it?

I imagine so, the council is so strapped for money that they'll be looking for any help they can get. I've just had a call from my phone & broadband provider confirming that BT won't do anything about the trees threatening to break the line down our lane. BT think the council should do it, but even if the council accepted responsibility (which they don't) they're not maintaining any trees out here now because of lack of funds.

[Stanley]

This may be just one example of the ongoing erosion of public services as money is sucked out of the real economy by the economic forces that are ensuring the rise and rise of the top 1% who by the end of next year will have cornered half the world's resources.... (Yes, I'm reading Stiglitz!)
All is quiet on the political scene at the moment as policies are honed and perfected that are going to lead to further erosion of public services and social care will be high on the list. God alone knows where this is taking us. I am very pessimistic.....

[Stanley]

I've found a perfect example of weasel words and an underlying lack of compassion when it comes to looking after the disabled. A new system starts next month where any small employer is deemed by the Treasury to be liable for providing a pension for their staff. Only problem is that if you are disabled and managing your own funds, say living at home and being cared for by your parents, you have to have a pension plan in place for them. The Treasury have not made it mandatory for the funding authority to pay the extra expense of the pension but have asked them to 'consider' it when making an award. Reports coming in suggest that most local authorities are not aware of the new regulation and anyway have no funding for it. Not surprisingly, the Treasury, when approached about this said that it was up to the local council and they'd asked them to consider it. Useless of course! Then there is administering a private pension... It's a mess and totally unnecessary.

[Tizer]

..A new system starts next month where any small employer is deemed by the Treasury to be liable for providing a pension for their staff...

Full details here by Paul Lewis:
http://paullewismoney.blogspot.co.uk/20 ... sions.html

[Stanley]

It was Paul that alerted me to what was happening on Saturday. Such a good reporter and informant!
THIS caught my attention this morning. We are not the only ones who have problems with the way we deal with old people.....

[Tizer]

Paul Lewis says this about himself on his web site:

So, you want to know about me. I'm 66. I live in west London near the River Thames. My three grown-ups - too old to call them children - are all making their way in life successfully and are all married. Through them I have seven grandchildren - five boys and two girls.

I believe in freedom of speech, scientific method, and the power of Occam's Razor. I am an atheist (irredeemable so don't try) who despairs at the attacks on human rights and civil liberties in Britain over the last decade. My interests include Victorian literature (yes, especially Wilkie Collins), buildings, technology, art, furniture, cosmology, history and wine. Things I hate include war, violence, working out, football, mortality, and I can't stand intolerance. Except of intolerance of course. Which is good. Things I quite like include cooking and jobs about the house. Recently, I have been known to garden reluctantly. Things I love include my family, my partner Emma, research in libraries, and my work. But you'll have to look at my professional biography to find out about that.

And what's that stuff on the front page about My head capitalist; my heart socialist; my soul anarchist? It's a phrase from my youth which I am sure was on a poster but which I can't track down. It captures a certain truth about me and about politics.

[Stanley]

I like it! Mind you, I have no problems with mortality and am agnostic rather than atheistic. I listen to his Saturday programme and have never heard anything I disagree with.
That in itself can be dangerous, I am all to aware of the fact we can be swayed by people who reinforce our own prejudices.... That's why, under normal circumstances I read so much. I am always cross checking and if necessary modifying my views by checking the latest evidence..... That's why I like the quotation from Plato: "The unexamined life is not worth living....".

[Stanley]

I called for help yesterday to look after Jack for the day. I got an immediate response, son in law Mick is going to pick him up and look after him. Jack will be delighted, he gets on better with Mick than with me! Aren't families wonderful.....

[Nolic]

Mick gets on with everybody. Give him my regards. Nolic

[Stanley]

Will do.....

[Tizer]

My Dad had a fall on Sunday, was taken to hospital and declared to have lacerations to his face and broken dentures. Replacing the dentures will be more problematical than repairing the lacerations, I think. But at least he didn't have a broken jaw which is what we were told he had when they first phoned us with the news. That gave me a shock! He seems OK and they're moving him today to a smaller local hospital for a couple of days to stabilise. The council's community support team say they think it's time for him to move to `longer term support care' which I expect means shifting from his Extra Care Flat to a Residential Care Home. He now needs more personal and continuous support. Where he is now there is no-one to check on him during the night, whereas Mrs Tiz's parents get checked every hour.

[LizG]

Sounds like a nasty fall. How will he react if you do move him to higher care?

[Stanley]

You never know. The fall might have given him a shock and make things easier. I hope so.....

[Tizer]

He won't like the move Liz. He'll insist that he doesn't want to be among `a load of old biddies', yet he's always complaining that he has no-one to talk to. The carers describe him as `a very private person'. That makes it difficult because he hides away behind closed doors and they can't tell when he needs help. He has a `red button' on his wrist to allow him to call for help in emergencies but he doesn't remember when the time comes for using it and also tends to take it off. When he has these falls he claims that someone has left things to trip him up but the truth is that he's unsteady on his feet and we suspect he might be `blacking out'. He needs closer observation now. We've been pressing for this but the community health people are very wary of intruding on his privacy and independence. The care system is too heavily weighted in that direction - they say they are obliged to act `in his interest' but we argue that `his interest' involves rating safety and security as high or higher than his privacy and independence. In reality he has very little true independence now because he's so dependent on the carers for most things. We're going to the hospital to take him some more clothes this afternoon. They say he's doing very well and you wouldn't think anything much has happened to him except for the bruising on his face. He's complaining bitterly that they are giving him cold milk on his corn flakes instead of the warm milk he's used to, so there ain't much wrong with him!

[LizG]

Good luck with it all. I can understand the problems you might have.

A quick update on my Mum. We got phone call the other day to say the aged care facility had put in an incident report because Mum had put on 5kg in 13 weeks - far too much weight in that time!!! Her weight went from 41kg to 46kg!!

She had stopped eating altogether (having been anorexic for as long as I can remember) but now the dementia has made her forget that for a while she was vegetarian (she didn't want to eat at all and I don't remember her ever eating vegetables, she never liked them). Now she complains that they are making her porridge with milk instead of water and giving her a jug of milk on the side. We are very happy that she is eating now.

You just have to go with the flow.

[Stanley]

Wrong cornflakes for Tiz's dad and wrong porridge for your Mum Liz. I can understand why these things loom large.... She doesn't sound as though she's obese! Good to know they are monitoring her weight though....

[Tizer]

I'm glad to hear your Mum is eating now Liz. It's interesting about the dementia making her forget she was vegetarian - memory loss and dementia can result in some strange changes. My Dad might be fussy about his corn flakes but he'll eat some foods now that he wouldn't have touched with a bargepole before he began to get memory problems.

Yesterday afternoon's visit to my Dad after his move to the local hospital was positive in terms of planning his future but difficult to deal with due to him being absolutely convinced we'd come to take him back to his flat. He was confused but physically OK and as feisty as ever. (His first words were a belligerent "What are you doing here?") The right side of his face and neck is black with bruising and he has some stitches under his chin but he didn't seem much troubled by it all. The nurses seem very caring and attentive and one of them had taken him to the restaurant for some lunch. He doesn't remember anything about the fall or being taken to hospital and asks why he's there. The senior nurse said he has a UTI and is on antibiotics, so he can't be assessed by the mental health team until that's cleared up.

The doctor spent about half an hour with us discussing Dad and he's now going to get him moved into a room on his own. This is not just for his own sake but in the interests of the other patients in his current ward who are being troubled by him shouting a lot. "That old fogey in the bed over there is always asleep" was one example shouted across the ward (the old fogey was probably 20 years younger than him!). It was good talking to the doctor who says he's sure Dad must have dementia and believes he should be in a care home environment rather than an ECH. This is the first time any of the medics have been willing to say he must have dementia - usually they want lots of tests done and still are unwilling to make the decision. This doctor asked us a lot of questions and listened to our descriptions of Dad's behaviour then said "No doubt about it, he must at least be in the first stages of dementia". We suspect that the council mental health people are reluctant to admit he has dementia because then they'll have to find funds for specialist care. But things are changing - this morning I had an email from them stating: "I do feel it is in your father's best interest that the next move would be to a care home". I hope the doctor will now tell them that he needs the specialist care.

The problems began when we were preparing to leave the hospital. All the time we were there Dad kept saying things about going home, going back to his own bed, and it became obvious that he assumed we'd come to take him away from the hospital. We couldn't convince him otherwise. When we prepared to leave he got up and tried to come out with us. This triggered the loud alarm in the pressure pad on his chair and we couldn't get him to sit down again, much to the annoyance of the other patients. The `old fogey' started yelling across the ward "Sit down!" and pandemonium began. We had to get the nurses to come and subdue Dad so that we could leave. He's very difficult when he gets like that and it's made worse now due to his lowered inhibitions. When we told him he had to stay there until he got better and the doctor said he was OK to leave he just kept shouting "No, I'm going with you!" It's not like when someone is frightened by the hospital and wants to leave - he's just demanding what he wants and determined to get it, regardless of how much he upsets other people. We came home and slumped in the chair with a cup of tea! (I wish I could still drink gin & tonic!)

All this is likely to trigger a move from his ECH flat to a care home, hopefully with dementia care. It will be a big event and he'll make an almighty fuss but he'll be safer, unable to wander outside unattended and less likely to end up on the floor for hours without help. It will also solve a lot of problems that the ECH system gives when it's dealing with someone in his condition. It's going to be an exciting few months!

[LizG]

I feel your pain. It is exactly what we went through with Mum earlier in the year. You will notice an improvement when the UTI clears up.

We have no problem leaving Mum now but she still says she'll be back home soon. On the down side though it is impossible to have a meaningful conversation with her now, in fact most of the time it's like being in a parallel universe. You are so right about needing a drink when you get home.