Family Matters

[Marilyn]

It's been a long time since I would have been considered "fresh meat"!

[Cathy]

Well marinated... ??

[Marilyn]

Im so glad you didn't use the word "pickled", dear sister.
But "marinated" and slowly cooked over a low heat would be the best option. ( and best savoured by candlelight)

[Stanley]

The mind, as they say, boggles.......

[Tizer]

We had sad news this morning that one of our closest family friends has died, aged 78, even though he was fit, active and happy. He felt a cold coming on but then it got worse and he was taken to hospital. Pneumonia was diagnosed but he was stable and comfortable. Then suddenly he took a turn for the worse, had a heart attack and died. All in a few days. It makes me wonder if the pneumonia was an antibiotic-resistant bacterial strain or was a virus. He was a lovely man, I often called him Uncle Ray and Mrs Tiz always said he was like a father to us. He was generous and went out of his way to help people and make them happy. The world has lost one of its kindest men.

The moral is if you're in your later years and think you're getting a cold, don't take risks, be careful to keep warm and dry.

[Stanley]

Have you seen THIS Tiz? The Colistin resistant organisms have reached the UK. That lady I quoted on the subject was dead right.....

[Cathy]

Very sad news for you Tize and right on Christmas too, feeling for you and Mrs. Tize.

[Tizer]

Cathy, thanks for your concern. Ray's wife Loretta will be hit hard by it, they were a lovely, devoted couple and liked nothing more than spending time with friends and relatives. Ray was interested in everything and would also question us about our work, hobbies, holidays etc. A few months ago we spent a week in Hayle, Cornwall, and I sent Ray photos because that's were he spent his childhood holidays. As well as my photos I found some old black & white ones on the web and they triggered lots of memories for him, like when the freight trains used to run down the main street to the docks. His favourite memory there was of standing on the cliffs and looking across the bay to St Ives.

Stanley, I wrote more about the colistin problem back in November: LINK

[Wendyf]

Sorry to hear about your loss Tiz, it's very hard to lose friends.

[PanBiker]

We have just received a Christmas card from one of our Dan's old uni friends. He has been browsing his photo albums and has taken the trouble to scan all the ones he had with Dan on, mainly weddings of other mates they attended. He has put them all on a USB memory stick sellotaped inside the card. A nice gesture from him, we remember he took the trouble to write us a very nice letter with his memories of Dan as a mate which we received shortly after the accident. It's very nice to think that he is still in others thoughts.

[Stanley]

I love coming across small acts of kindness like that Ian, they are what makes the world go round.... Tiz, you are right about warning about any evidence that you aren't well when you get older. We kid ourselves we are in superb health but I am realistic enough to recognise that our defences don't have the same depth as when we were younger and could shake anything off. As for the death of your friend, it's never welcome but whenever I hear of a quick clean exit like that I think about the ones that are lingering and distressing for everyone. I have to say it would do for me.... Like it or not, life is a terminal disease and can never be cushioned.

[Tizer]

I've been wondering if he had a pneumonia vaccine jab or not. But even if he did, it won't prevent all types of pneumonia. The moral is, don't get ill!

[Moh]

I had the pneumonia jab but still got pneumonia a few years ago.

[Stanley]

I've had the jab as well, I hope I don't have to test its efficacy!

[LizG]

The never ending story. Mum fell again yesterday. This time she fractured her knee; both sides of the femur just above the knee. She needs a knee replacement but she is not well enough, osteoporosis prevails, excruciatingly high blood pressure, dementia, and she's almost 90. They won't operate, but they're not sure what they can do.

Now we have to go through the process again, of being there all day because she can't order meals, can't eat them without help, and is probably the oldest anorexic patient they've ever had (and they don't believe it), so they ask her what she wants, nothing. We had to insist they gave her fluids intravenously, but what would we know?

Frustrated rant over, thanks.

[Wendyf]

You have all my sympathy Liz.

[Cathy]

Feel free to vent Liz and wishing you,your Mum and family all the best.

[Tizer]

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum's troubles Liz. Does she want to eat but can't? Or does she reject food because she wants to end it all?

[LizG]

All her life Mum has been paranoid about getting fat so she has always eaten very little. Now that she has Alzheimer's she has forgotten what to do when someone puts a meal in front of her. Where she lives they cut up her food and encourage her to eat. (It's taken more than a year to get her weight up to 46kg.) The one thing she has not forgotten though is that 'food makes you fat'.

The problem in the hospital is that they put a menu in front of her, that she can't read, she doesn't fill it in, because she can't write now. Then if they bring her some food and she leaves it they assume that she isn't feeling well enough to eat, not that she doesn't know what to do.

I'll go in today and re-iterate all this to the staff again. The problem of course is that there are shift changes at the hospital and this isn't the type of information that is passed on.

[Moh]

Feeling for you Liz. Keep your chin up and tell them.

[Stanley]

Sorry to hear about your mother Liz. I am sure that you are realistic enough to know that what you describe is the last lap in a long life. What action you take will be governed by this. Forgive me if this is too direct a response but my personal view is that the main thing is not to make her life miserable by useless interventions but make sure that she has as easy a passage as possible. Problem is that it puts all the pressure on you. That's why in my Final Directive I made it clear that once I reach a stage like this my kids have to bite the bullet and let me go.
I think I have an idea of the conflicting thoughts you will be having. All I can say is that this is a natural process and what must govern it is what is easiest for your mother, not a product of any guilty feelings on your part. Difficult to recognise at this moment but your mother still loves you and I have an idea that her concern would be the strain on you, not herself. Don't allow guilt to creep in, it may be that you have done all you can. Big hug from Stanley.....

[LizG]

I visited this morning about 9.30 and was lucky enough to catch the geriatrician on his rounds. Mum was still marked as fasting on the board so that meant she had eaten nothing since Saturday Lunchtime (it's Monday here today). I queried this and they told me she was still down for an op. Discussion followed whereby one of the Doctors agreed with me that non-intervention was probably the right thing to do, (we have agreed to comfort care). His comment 'high risk for little or no gain'. There was no way we would have put her through it.

What followed was very quick. I asked when she could go back to an environment that she knew and understood and could we organise some food straight away. By the time I coaxed her into having a cup of tea and some dry biscuits they came back and said the orthopedic surgeon had agreed she could go 'home'. I stayed and fed her a few bites of lunch and by the time I left at 1.15 she was due to leave in 15 minutes.

I've just had a call from one of my sisters and she is with her, back in her own room, trying to feed her again.

There is no doubt she will not walk again but the people where she lives are fantastic and will encourage her to take part in everything as soon as she is able.

I feel sorry for the people who have no one to advocate on their behalf because we've had a real battle.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments.

[Stanley]

Well done Liz. That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't taken action. We will all need daughters like you one of these days....... Treasures in Heaven as they say!

[Tizer]

When my mum was in her last weeks a hospital doctor discovered a lump on her breast and wanted her bringing in for investigations. She became scared, we said we wouldn't take her in for it and she died shortly afterwards. Sometimes we need to remind doctors of the bigger picture, they're too busy chasing their own targets.

That ex- Royal Marine doctor who looked after my dad so well told us something interesting when we were discussing whether he should be resuscitated. He said that trying to resuscitate an elderly person can break the sternum. It doesn't bear thinking about.

[Stanley]

Surprisingly easy to do that Tiz. One of my old war wounds was a cracked sternum and I always remember Arthur Morrison explaining it to me. The sternum is, towards its lower extremity, more akin to gristle than bone and is very slow to heal. I can tell you that the worst thing that can happen to you while this process is going on is to sneeze!