KADDISH
Posted: 06 Apr 2026, 01:48
KADDISH
18 February 2005
Many of you will remember that I visited the WW1 battlefields in 2000 and came back moved by the sheer scale of the destruction marked by the white stones and inscriptions on memorials. One thing that struck me in particular was that many memorials on the graves had stones balanced on their top edge. I made enquiries about this and was told that these were Kaddish stones and signified that the Kaddish, the Jewish prayer of mourning, had been said over the grave. What moved me even more was that some memorials bearing the Star of David had no stones on them. It seemed to me that this must signify that the family members had never been able to visit the grave to pay their respects. I thought this was so sad.
Five years later, and for what reason I know not, I was moved to make some enquiries into this custom. I decided that I wanted to speak to a Rabbi about this. The first thing I have to say is that Rabbis as a group seem to be great fans of the answering machine. I rang eight and got no joy, the ninth was at home and answered all my questions.
I told him what my understanding was and he told me that whilst I was essentially correct, there was a slight difference in his understanding. The stones are called Kaddish Stones but are simply a gift or marker left at the grave as a sign that it has been visited. As any practising Jewish person visiting a grave will say the Kaddish as a matter of course the stone does in effect usually denote that the prayer has been said but there is no direct connection.
I then asked another question, I wanted to know whether, if a Gentile came across a Jewish grave with no Kaddish Stones and as a mark of respect placed a stone on the memorial, would this be seen as appropriate behaviour? He said that it was not only not a problem but was just as valid as the prayer and a stone placed by a relative as it signified that another human being had recognised the grave and given thought to the person buried there. It would be regarded by any Jewish person as a caring action and be very welcome.
I think I knew what the answer would be but simply wanted to hear someone in authority tell me. It’s quite clear in my mind now. If I ever see a Jewish Grave without the Kaddish Stones I shall give some thought to the person buried there and leave my marker. I don’t know why but I’m really pleased I’ve bottomed that small enquiry.
18 February 2005
18 February 2005
Many of you will remember that I visited the WW1 battlefields in 2000 and came back moved by the sheer scale of the destruction marked by the white stones and inscriptions on memorials. One thing that struck me in particular was that many memorials on the graves had stones balanced on their top edge. I made enquiries about this and was told that these were Kaddish stones and signified that the Kaddish, the Jewish prayer of mourning, had been said over the grave. What moved me even more was that some memorials bearing the Star of David had no stones on them. It seemed to me that this must signify that the family members had never been able to visit the grave to pay their respects. I thought this was so sad.
Five years later, and for what reason I know not, I was moved to make some enquiries into this custom. I decided that I wanted to speak to a Rabbi about this. The first thing I have to say is that Rabbis as a group seem to be great fans of the answering machine. I rang eight and got no joy, the ninth was at home and answered all my questions.
I told him what my understanding was and he told me that whilst I was essentially correct, there was a slight difference in his understanding. The stones are called Kaddish Stones but are simply a gift or marker left at the grave as a sign that it has been visited. As any practising Jewish person visiting a grave will say the Kaddish as a matter of course the stone does in effect usually denote that the prayer has been said but there is no direct connection.
I then asked another question, I wanted to know whether, if a Gentile came across a Jewish grave with no Kaddish Stones and as a mark of respect placed a stone on the memorial, would this be seen as appropriate behaviour? He said that it was not only not a problem but was just as valid as the prayer and a stone placed by a relative as it signified that another human being had recognised the grave and given thought to the person buried there. It would be regarded by any Jewish person as a caring action and be very welcome.
I think I knew what the answer would be but simply wanted to hear someone in authority tell me. It’s quite clear in my mind now. If I ever see a Jewish Grave without the Kaddish Stones I shall give some thought to the person buried there and leave my marker. I don’t know why but I’m really pleased I’ve bottomed that small enquiry.
18 February 2005