Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 18 May 2022, 02:38
OneGuyFromBarlick
A community site for Barnoldswick & the surrounding area
https://oneguyfrombarlick.co.uk/
Old fashioned clean jokes
Page 124 of 194
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 20 May 2022, 20:57
The recent news that a fifth '"vaccination" will be available for crumblies this Autumn has made up my mind that one of these is a good investment. Might prevent pneumonia due to wandering around the bowls club in the cold with no shirt on. 
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 21 May 2022, 02:52
I don't think that would do David. Perhaps a zip round the top seam and a detachable sleeve?
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 21 May 2022, 10:21
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 21 May 2022, 19:35
Weve had this one before, but it's so good it'll stand repeating.
Ian will know where it came from today.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me ? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a IT expert," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
Well," answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed me even more."
The woman below responded,
"You must be a Tory Minister."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going! You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Ian will know where it came from today.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me ? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a IT expert," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
Well," answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed me even more."
The woman below responded,
"You must be a Tory Minister."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going! You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 22 May 2022, 02:11
.... That's clever, accurate and funny, never come across it before.Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 24 May 2022, 04:02
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 30 May 2022, 08:54
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 30 May 2022, 09:25
And as I am sure you are well aware Ken, that is too close to the truth to be funny!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 31 May 2022, 03:55
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 01 Jun 2022, 03:22
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 01 Jun 2022, 19:51
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 02 Jun 2022, 02:53
It took a second or two but I got there Kev.....
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 02 Jun 2022, 10:00
Me also and Sally has made miles of the stuff. 
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 02 Jun 2022, 10:28
Brain exercise
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 02 Jun 2022, 21:40
From Piers Morgan
Is this when Aunty Meghan arrived ? . . . .
Is this when Aunty Meghan arrived ? . . . .
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 03 Jun 2022, 02:52
I see Brenda has her new walking stick sent down from Cumbria by the Army.....
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 04 Jun 2022, 03:50
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 04 Jun 2022, 12:04
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 04 Jun 2022, 12:55
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 05 Jun 2022, 03:19
Both good ones.....
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 05 Jun 2022, 21:52
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 06 Jun 2022, 02:21
Th'art reet lad.....
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 06 Jun 2022, 02:27
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Posted: 06 Jun 2022, 09:32