Old fashioned clean jokes

[Big Kev]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

[Stanley]

That's sick but predictable.....

[Big Kev]

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[Big Kev]

Ford are bringing out an Elvis anniversary car ....
It’s called Cortina Trap!

[Cathy]

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Press on it

[Stanley]

Well at least it's to the point Cathy!

[Big Kev]

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[Stanley]

[Tizer]

[Stanley]

I like that one!

[Tizer]

I wonder if he went to the library desk and told them `There's a fault in one of your bookcases'?

[Cathy]

Oh Tize Is that a Dad joke?

[Big Kev]

I wonder if he went to the library desk and told them `There's a fault in one of your bookcases'?

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Tizer]

It looks like the NYT understands the effects of Brexit better than the 17,410,742 Brits who voted for it!
[Interestingly 17,378,581 voted to remain in the 1975 referendum. Spooky?]

[Big Kev]

I've just been diagnosed with gammon flu, it was swine flu but they cured me

[plaques]

Warmer.jpg

[Stanley]

That's clever Kev. Ken's is a bit dark for me.....

[Bodger]

One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.
His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the postman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'Who Am I.'"
The postman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

[Stanley]

Ah, the old ones are always best Bodge!

[Big Kev]

Somebody stole my thesaurus. I don't have the words to express how I feel about that.

[Stanley]

You are in a very cerebral theme of late Kev. I like it!

[Stanley]

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.