Old fashioned clean jokes
- Stanley
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Maureen Lipman has just told this joke....
A man goes to the doctor and complains he has a tape worm. The doctor examines him and agrees. He tells him to come back tomorrow with two apples and a small bar of chocolate. The man goes back the next day and the doctor makes him drop his trousers and band over whereupon he shoves the apples up his bum and after a minute, follows them with the bar of chocolate. This happens for three days but then the doctor tells him to bring two apples and a cricket bat. The man goes back the following day and the doctor inserts the apples and then waits, after a minute or two the tape worm pops its head out of his bum and says "Oi! Where's me chocolate? And the doctor hits it over the head with the cricket bat.
(It's the way she tells 'em!)
A man goes to the doctor and complains he has a tape worm. The doctor examines him and agrees. He tells him to come back tomorrow with two apples and a small bar of chocolate. The man goes back the next day and the doctor makes him drop his trousers and band over whereupon he shoves the apples up his bum and after a minute, follows them with the bar of chocolate. This happens for three days but then the doctor tells him to bring two apples and a cricket bat. The man goes back the following day and the doctor inserts the apples and then waits, after a minute or two the tape worm pops its head out of his bum and says "Oi! Where's me chocolate? And the doctor hits it over the head with the cricket bat.
(It's the way she tells 'em!)
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
That joke made a regular appearance in the student Rag Week leaflets every year when I was a student!
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
The old ones are always the best Peter!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Cute.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
But they told me I was going for a Covid vaccination...
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Ah Peter.... I remember the short arm inspections well. I always wondered what they did with the pencil afterwards..... (It was used to manipulate your equipment....)
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I saw the painting in a TV programme about the Imperial War Museum. It's a big canvas, one of 20,000 artworks in their collection. IWM Collections
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You've reminded me of a ditty that you often found in public lavatories in those days.
It's no good standing on the seat. The crabs in here can jump six feet!
Sorry about that.....
It's no good standing on the seat. The crabs in here can jump six feet!
Sorry about that.....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Or perhaps What Step?
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Born to be mild
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
What could go wrong?
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Born to be mild
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I like it!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 91288
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Only in Yorkshire.
.
.
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Kev
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Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Two Owls playing pool....
First owl takes his shot and fouls as his wing brushes against a ball..
Being an honest owl he say's to his mate "Two hits"
The second owl replies "Two hits To Who?"
First owl takes his shot and fouls as his wing brushes against a ball..
Being an honest owl he say's to his mate "Two hits"
The second owl replies "Two hits To Who?"
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
They told me I'd never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia. I've made three vases and a fruit bowl so far, so what do they know?
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.
It was riveting.
It was riveting.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Apéritif: French for "a set of dentures."