'Owt else or Any Other Business

[Stanley]

Many happy returns David. Think yourself lucky, the only thing I would be allowed on that table is the meat, all the rest are verboten....

[PanBiker]

Happy belated birthday for yesterday David.

Cathy it only shows up on the site if folk own up to their birth date in their profile.

[Tizer]

Happy Birthday for yesterday, Tripps!
Here's a tip - next time you're going to be drinking diet lemonade take in your pocket a little screw-cap bottle of a deep red wine and doctor the lemonade with small amount of it. Even a teaspoonful makes a big improvement!

[Stanley]

Now just how did Peter learn that little trick?

[Tizer]

By a long period of experiments and development, of course!

[Stanley]

[Tripps]

This rant from expert ranter, and towering intellect Giles Coren is memorable. His piece 'scolding' an assistant who changed a word in something he wrote was a classic. For the curious - here it is, but be warned it's a bit rude. Giles Coren's reprimand. His sister Victoria ia quite bright too. She plays poker well, and does that inpenetrable programme 'Only Connct' . "Eye of Horus please Victoria" But I digress. . . .


Here's what he thinks about electric cars. It could well be the first piece I've seen on the subject from someone who did not have a vested interest in the matter.

The spark is gone — you’re better off walking than relying on useless, unreliable vehicles and chargers that never work
As I watch my family strike out on foot across the fields into driving rain and gathering darkness, my wife holding each child’s hand, our new year plans in ruins, while I do what I can to make our dead car safe before abandoning it a mile short of home, full of luggage on a country lane, it occurs to me not for the first time that if we are going to save the planet we will have to find another way. Because electric cars are not the answer.
Yes, it’s the Jaguar again. My doomed bloody £65,000 iPace that has done nothing but fail at everything it was supposed to do for more than two years now, completely dead this time, its lifeless corpse blocking the single-track road.
I can’t even roll it to a safer spot because it can’t be put in neutral. For when an electric car dies, it dies hard. And then lies there as big and grey and not-going-anywhere as the poacher-slain bull elephant I once saw rotting by a roadside in northern Kenya. Just a bit less smelly.
Not that this is unusual. Since I bought my eco dream car in late 2020, in a deluded Thunbergian frenzy, it has spent more time off the road than on it, beached at the dealership for months at a time on account of innumerable electrical calamities, while I galumph around in the big diesel “courtesy cars” they send me under the terms of the warranty.
But this time I don’t want one. And I don’t want my own car back either. I have asked the guys who sold it to me to sell it again, as soon as it is fixed, to the first mug who walks into the shop. Because I am going back to petrol while there is still time.
And if the government really does ban new wet fuel cars after 2030, then we will eventually have to go back to horses. Because the electric vehicle industry is no readier to get a family home from Cornwall at Christmas time (as I was trying to do) than it is to fly us all to Jupiter. The cars are useless, the infrastructure is not there and you’re honestly better off walking. Even on the really long journeys. In fact, especially on the long journeys. The short ones they can just about manage. It’s no wonder Tesla shares are down 71 per cent. It’s all a huge fraud. And, for me, it’s over.
Yet the new owner of my “preloved” premium electric vehicle, fired with a messianic desire to make a better world for his children, will not know this. He will be delighted with his purchase and overjoyed to find there are still six months of warranty left, little suspecting that once that has expired — and with it the free repairs and replacement cars for those long spells off road — he will be functionally carless.
He will be over the moon to learn that it has “a range of up to 292 miles”. No need to tell him what that really means is “220 miles”. Why electric carmakers are allowed to tell these lies is a mystery to me. As it soon will be to him.
Although for the first few days he won’t worry especially. He’ll think he can just nip into a fuel station and charge it up again. Ho ho ho. No need to tell him that two out of three roadside chargers in this country are broken or busy at any one time. Or that the built-in “find my nearest charge point” function doesn’t work, has never worked, and isn’t meant to work.
Or that apps like Zap-Map don’t work either because the chargers they send you to are always either busy or broken or require a membership card you don’t have or an app you can’t download because there’s no 5G here, in the middle of nowhere, where you will now probably die.
Or that the Society of Motor Manufacturers said this week that only 23 new chargers are being installed nationwide each day, of the 100 per day that were promised (as a proud early adopter, I told myself that charging would become easier as the network grew, but it hasn’t grown, while the number of e-drivers has tripled, so it’s actually harder now than it was two years ago).
There are, of course, plus sides to electric ownership. Such as the camaraderie when we encounter each other, tired and weeping at yet another service station with only two chargers, one of which still has the “this fault has been reported” sign on it from when you were here last August, and the other is of the measly 3kWh variety, which means you will have to spend the night in a Travelodge while your stupid drum lazily inhales enough juice to get home.
Together, in the benighted charging zone, we leccy drivers laugh about what fools we are and drool over the diesel hatchbacks nonchalantly filling up across the way (“imagine getting to a fuel station and knowing for sure you will be able to refuel!”) and talk in the hour-long queue at Exeter services about the petrol car we will buy as soon as we get home.
We filled up there last week on the way back from Cornwall, adding two hours to our four-hour journey, by which time Esther wasn’t speaking to me. She’s been telling me to get rid of the iPace since it ruined last summer’s holidays in both Wales and Devon (“If you won’t let us fly any more, at least buy a car that can get us to the places we’re still allowed to go!”).
But I kept begging her to give me one last chance, as if I’d refused to give up a mistress, rather than a dull family car. Until this time, a couple of miles from home, when a message flashed up on the dash: “Assisted braking not available — proceed with caution.” Then: “Steering control unavailable.”
And then, as I inched off the dual carriageway at our turnoff, begging it to make the last mile, children weeping at the scary noises coming from both car and father: “Gearbox fault detected.” CLUNK. WHIRRR. CRACK.
And dead. Nothing. Poached elephant. I called Jaguar Assist (there is a button in the roof that does it directly — most useful feature on the car) who told me they could have a mechanic there in four hours (who would laugh and say, “Can’t help you, pal. You’ve got a software issue there. I’m just a car mechanic. And this isn’t a car, it’s a laptop on wheels.”)
So Esther and the kids headed for home across the sleety wastes, a vision of post-apocalyptic misery like something out of Cormac McCarthy, while I saw out 2022 waiting for a tow-truck. Again.
But don’t let that put you off. I see in the paper that electric car sales are at record levels and production is struggling to keep up with demand. So why not buy mine? It’s clean as a whistle and boasts super-low mileage. After all, it’s hardly been driven . . .

[Stanley]

Wonderful David, thanks for posting that, I have always liked anything the Coren family do (And yes I am a fan of Victoria as well....)
I suspect Giles is quite right, his account certainly squares up with accounts I have heard from electric and hybrid car owners. Any one remember my son in Law's Toyota wonder car that died after running through a puddle? In the end Toyota gave him a cut-price HiLux pick up to go away.....
Easy read even at this time of the morning.....

[Wendyf]

Thanks Tripps, a very enjoyable read!

[Big Kev]

Thanks Tripps, a very enjoyable read!

Me too. There's nowt worse than spotty oicks messing with things.

[Stanley]

Susan sent me this pic of snowdrops at Thornton in Craven yesterday. Lifted my spirits no end, just what we need during the two most cruel months of the year.

[Wendyf]

It's a wild and bitterly cold night with frequent hail showers but out there on the Pennine Way some crazy people are running along the Pennine Way in the Spine Race. The first runner in the Spine Challenge, which is 108 miles from Edale to Hawes, has just gone over Pinhaw having run non stop since 7.30 this morning. The Spine Race proper, all the way to Kirk Yetholm, starts in Edale at 7.30am tomorrow. I am a compulsive dot watcher!

[Stanley]

Same first thing this morning Wendy, sleet and hail and up to -4C with the wind chill. To think there are stragglers out there..... Not my idea of a barrel of laughs!

[PanBiker]

The spine racers are a different breed I reckon. Sally has been roped in this morning for what was described as a "march" around Slipper Hill by daughter Carla. It is an organised and led walk. I was invited too but I don't do organised or forced marching, I walk at my pace and still get there.

[Stanley]

I agree Ian. I have always walked relatively slowly and hate it when whoever I am with has problems with matching their pace to mine.
It certainly would cause problems today. Now I am really slow!
(It strikes me that my relatively slow pace might be down to the Army training. The standard marching pace for the infantry is 120 paces per minute.)

[Wendyf]

I'm still keeping an eye on the Spine Race, following the dot of Barlicker John Boothman who is now heading across Dufton Fell before the climb up Cross Fell and down into Alston. The non stop leaders are already past Bellingham and heading for the Cheviots.

Screenshot_20230118_075800_Opera.jpg

[Cathy]

Not an AirFryer, but a Food Processor.
Due to back problems, I am finding it hard to do lots of chopping , grating etc. of veggies. So I have invested in a food processor to do it for me. (I like to make batches of meals to freeze)
And the moment it’s ‘the monster in the corner’ on my kitchen bench.
It looks a little intimidating.

[Stanley]

My advice Cathy is to give it a central place on your work bench so it's easy to grab and use. In my experience if you don't do this they are always more trouble than grabbing a knife and starting chopping. I have one and have hardly ever used it.

[Cathy]

All done

[Big Kev]

I use my food processor a lot Cathy, it's great for finely chopping veg for soups, stews and curries. It has a separate liquidiser attachment I use to make milkshakes. Milk, ice cream and frozen berries make a quick treat for visiting grandchildren
It is kept in a cupboard though as I only have a small kitchen.

[plaques]

10 minutes entertainment at Argos Sainsburys today. While Mrs P was flying round with the trolley I wandered down to the Argos department. Lots of empty terminals so sneaking up on one I pressed the 'open' bar on the screen. Nothing happened which is par for the course for me and electronics. A very pleasant young man came to my rescue and diplomatically said I was doing the right thing but it only needed a tap. "What are you interested in?" I could hardly say 'bugger all' so rapidly said Oximeters. Tat,tap,tap. Lo and behold three oximeters on the screen. Then came the fun part. We don't have any in stock but I can order one. How long will it be held for says I. "Until Monday then it goes back", Oh dear can't get down on Monday, how long would you keep it if I paid now for it? "Ah you can't pay for things WE haven't in stock but if you go on line and order it its five days. So I can pay for it on line? " No you pay when you collect it." Right! If I order it while I'm stood next to you its two days and if I do it on line its five days but I can't pay in advance. It doesn't make sense. Helpful young man now entering into the spirit of things and laughing, " It would make my life a lot easier and probably sell more if it wasn't so complicated. !0 minutes now up so wandered off like old farts do.

[Stanley]

I wonder if he suspected he might be on 'Candid Camera'?

[Tripps]

I think he needed retraining. Google "argos click and collect" to get the real facts.

[plaques]

I wonder if this will pass censorship. Mrs P wants a new three piece suit. The old leather one is in good condition. Where would be the best place to advertise it locally. Normally everything goes to the Heart foundation but this is a bit too good to give away.

[Big Kev]

I wonder if this will pass censorship. Mrs P wants a new three piece suit. The old leather one is in good condition. Where would be the best place to advertise it locally. Normally everything goes to the Heart foundation but this is a bit too good to give away.

Local Facebook selling pages are usually productive. I would consider a leather suite myself but I'm not sure I'd get it through the door. I'd need a measure up

I've sent you a message.