Old fashioned clean jokes

[Big Kev]

I was tracing my family tree and I found out one of my forefathers used to work in a napkin factory in Russia....

He was in The Serviette Union.

[Tizer]

Whoa! A dad joke...

[Big Kev]

I should have alerted you first

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[Tizer]

Red alert...ee..aa..ee..aa..Thanks for the warning. Better keep that image handy!

Now, this is something I've just seen on the web site of a horticulturist (honestly) in reply to someone asking advice on how to deal with a problem..
Yew hedging bronzes or goes brown because the yew plants in it are stressed (physically rather than mentally).

[Big Kev]

I reckon I'll get away with this one

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[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

A Texan goes to Australia for a holiday…
while there he takes a tour with a local guide.
While driving around the guide points out a large wheat field. “In Texas we have wheat fields twice as large!”
They drive past a herd of cattle. “Our long-horns are at least twice that large in Texas!” the Texan drawls.
The guide is becoming quite irritated with the Texan at this point and decides to take a detour.
The Texan excitedly points at some kangaroos and shouts
“What the hell are those!?”
The guide replied “What? You don’t have Grasshoppers in Texas?”

[Stanley]

That one will do Cathy.

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

Nice one Cathy....

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

Today is Earth Day.

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

Yes, I always thought the same thing!

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

Ive just tripped over a funny true story in my archive. You might like it. Here it is....

I remember Vera and I standing in the porch one day and watching Margaret and Susan. I had a Manchester terrier crossed with a Lakeland in those days and it was lay on its back on the lawn with its legs splayed out, a characteristic of Lakelands. Susan was pointing at the dog and asking Margaret questions. “What’s that?” That’s its bottom where it does its business. “What’s that?” That’s where it wees from. “What’s that?” Long pause then Margaret said “I don’t know but daddy’s got one!”

[Cathy]

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

Aww.

[Cathy]

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That’s most of us I think