Old fashioned clean jokes

[Gloria]

Haha Kev.

[Stanley]

Yes, that's a good one!

[Cathy]

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

Oh dear Cathy!

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

I might get away with this one

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[Stanley]

!

[Cathy]

FORREST GUMP AT THE PEARLY GATES
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The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.”
Forrest responds, “It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”
St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God’s first name?”
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Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest says, “Well, the first one - which two days in the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks , that one’s easy. That”d be Today and Tomorrow.”
The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest, that’s not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I didn’t specify, so I”ll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asks St. Peter.
“How many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded , St. Peter says, “Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest , how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forrest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd….”
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“Hold it,” interrupts St. Peter.
“I see where you’re going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind…. but I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let’s go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name?”
“Sure, “ Forrest replied, “It’s Andy.”
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“Andy?! exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. “OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”
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“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,”
Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song.”
“Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am his own….”

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said:
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“Run Forrest, Run.”

[PanBiker]

[Stanley]

I thought God's first name was Harold...... (Our father which art in heaven, Harold be thy name)

[Stanley]

[Stanley]

[PanBiker]

He started treatment the day they found out. No waiting for weeks to see a consultant then! I bet he wont have the dilemma of unaffordable drugs that may be needed either. Why the secrecy about the type of cancer anyway? Knowing the latter could help a lot of people.

I wish him well and wonder if the royals could have word with His Majesties government and tell them to fund the NHS sufficiently so that everyone can have the same treatment opportunities.

[Tripps]

Why the secrecy about the type of cancer anyway?

I think I have joined the dots, and I know what is going on. . . . I may be wrong, but we will soon find out.

[Tizer]

The last two posts seem out of place.

[Tripps]

Agree - Mods please move or delete.

[PanBiker]

Would loose the context of the comments. I will leave it for someone else, cant see the problem personally. Just post the next joke and crack on.

[Tripps]

Whatever. . . .

[Stanley]

I can't see a problem. I have been having the same thoughts myself.... I agree with Ian, crack on, the sky will not fall!

[Tizer]

Would loose the context of the comments. I will leave it for someone else, cant see the problem personally. Just post the next joke and crack on.

Ah, now I see why I was confused. I'd come straight into this thread and and so only the two posts about medical things and wondered why they were there. I scrolled up and saw simply cartoons and jokes, I didn't stop to notice Stanley's cartoon was about the King. I thought some posts had got transferred from the Medical Matters thread by those Russian gremlins attacking us!

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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