Old fashioned clean jokes

[Gloria]

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[Stanley]

I remember that actually happening many years ago and becoming a news story.... It's still funny!

[Big Kev]

Today's top tip.

Spice up your panic attack with a harmonica.

[Cathy]

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[Gloria]

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[Stanley]

Kev's went over my head completely! I need guidance....
I like yours Cathy.
Gloria, I once cut a large branch off a tree like that. I had my ladder on the inside of the cut, not that daft.... But when the branch dropped the tree moved enough to unseat my ladder and I came down, luckily not far....

[PanBiker]

I get it Kev! For Staley's benefit its the rapid breathing induced by an anxiety attack.

Got the T shirt for that one once and never want to go there again, not funny when your heart rate triples uncontrollably, (unless you have a paper bag to stem the breathing). A nice cup of tea helps to bring you down as well when you realise you are not going into cardiac arrest or going to explode!

[Big Kev]

I get it Kev! For Staley's benefit its the rapid breathing induced by an anxiety attack.

Got the T shirt for that one once and never want to go there again, not funny when your heart rate triples uncontrollably, (unless you have a paper bag to stem the breathing). A nice cup of tea helps to bring you down as well when you realise you are not going into cardiac arrest or going to explode!

I wasn't sure about posting it but the more people talk about these things, in whatever form, the more it raises awareness.

[Stanley]

I certainly wasn't aware, never had one. Thanks for the road map!

[Stanley]

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

There are consequences to these healthy diets. I am fortunate, I live on my own and have a very limited sense of smell....

[Big Kev]

A new supermarket just opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister in the produce section. Just before it activates, you hear the sound of distant thunder and catch the scent of fresh rain.

In the milk aisle, cows moo and you can smell fresh hay.
Near the eggs, hens cluck and the air fills with the aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The vegetable department smells like fresh, buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.

[Tripps]

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[Stanley]

I like both of them....

[Gloria]

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[Stanley]

Alas, only too true!

[Cathy]

“Hear, Hear” Gloria
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[Big Kev]

true story.

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

I went out for a Chinese meal last night and chatted with the old waiter.
He told me he lived in Japan during the Second World War and had been a kamikaze pilot. His code name? "Chow Mein."
I said, “Wait… didn’t kamikaze pilots sacrifice their lives?”
He smiled and said, “Yes, but I was Chicken Chow Mein.”

[Cathy]

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[Stanley]

I like that one, very clever, right up my street!

[Tizer]

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[Big Kev]

The next time you dislike your life, remember it's all about perspective. I have a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, and has people who want to have sex with him all the time.

And yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison.