Family Matters

[Tizer]

We both seem to have a plateful at the moment Peter. I hope your dad goes on OK and Mrs Tiz's mum and dad as well. It all seems to come at once some times.

Ian, perhaps I'm the only OG member who didn't know about Daniel until I saw your Thursday post above. I've been too wrapped up in my own little troubles and, coincidentally, the 19th and 20th November were the peak - Mrs Tiz had been away for a week and I was due to collect her on the 20th, the building work started (late) on Monday the 19th, I'd been told the previous week my dad was to be admitted on the 20th and would have transport and then found none of the services would take him, and at the same time I got a letter telling me to go to a different hospital for my own appointment at 9.00am on the 20th. In the meantime I was moving furniture single-handed in readiness for the builders and had a `to do' list covering two sides of a sheet of paper. And rain was coming down in bucket loads day and night continuously. The one thing that didn't happen at the same time was the flood because the water needed time to flow down from the higher ground. And one result of all this was that I didn't see much of OGFB for a while.

[Stanley]

My family matters at the moment are all positive. The highlight is that God willing, I shall have a great grandson before Xmas. My wish for you all is that you could have the same but life is very strange..... Do you remember the detective work we did on the little girl in Accrington killed by a falling slate in a great gale in the 19th century? Every now and again we all experience that falling slate, part of the human condition I suppose.

[EileenDavid]

Luck you Stanley a new great grandson before Xmas, congratulations. It's always nice when a new baby arrives. Eileen

[Tizer]

Our positive news is that our building work should be largely finished this week, bar the decorating, and that the builders have been great. Locally we went through a bad patch as far as tradesmen were concerned. The reliable and capable ones all retired and the younger ones who took over often seemed less than good. But now there seem to be really good young ones, who know how to do the job properly in practical terms and have a solid technical background too. We've been using a man who started as a carpenter by trade but can now do most building work to a high quality and brings in other good people too. Being a carpenter he was well-suited to all the cutting and measuring in the insulation work and the associated work to skirting, architraves etc. His work is immaculate and he's easy to get along with - and he doesn't disappear without good reason and advance warning! He discusses everything with us beforehand and is open to new ideas and even willing to accept that sometimes we can teach him something as a result of all the learning we did in preparation for building an energy efficient house. After doing the work in our house he can now advise other folk on how to better to insulate their old houses and save money on energy bills.

[Stanley]

A good carpenter/joiner is a treasure and they often develop skills in other fields. My architect, Peter Dawson, during my eight years at Ellenroad had no qualifications, he was 'only' a time-served carpenter but he was superb. We did good work and never had a wrong word. Funny thing was he had to employ a qualified architect as an assistant in order to trade as an architect. Worth remembering that the trades of carpenter and mason were the foundations of the modern engineering and construction industries.
Mrs T must be delighted! At last she can start to get the house in order!

[PanBiker]

Yes, best of luck with the new GG Son Stanley and nice to see you are seeing the end of the tunnel with your building work too Peter. I'm just back from Stratford and the Nativity we went to see. Ruby was a star of course (but I would say that), delivered her two lines without error although a little quiet. We have dozens of pictures and a few short video's of the best bits.

Journey down took 7 hours for the 170 miles, M6 was closed between junctions 18 and 16 due to a multi-vehicle RTA involving two artic's a van and about 9 other vehicles, there was a fatality and quite a few serious injuries so the road remained closed from 11.30am through until the early hours of the following morning. All A roads on the diversion routes were gridlocked, we took 3 hours to go 5 miles at one point. 4.5 hours in total on the diversion.

We saw our Police liaison officer today before we set of home, a bit of Dan's property from the car to pick up. She came to our hotel to deliver and have a chat regarding current developments. Looks like the inquest could be towards the end of January.

She told us the M6 was closed again today with the chemical tanker fire, we came back via the M1 but of course all other northbound from the Midlands was shoved that way as well. Made good time on the way back though despite the odd slow down with the sheer weight of traffic, only just over 4 hours with a good stop for tea in the middle.

[Stanley]

Ian. Glad to hear that everything is progressing. Sooner the official bits are over the better, they don't help with the gradual healing process because they drag you back to the event. Good luck to both of you with them.
Your account of the journey to and from Stratford reminds me of the fact that getting rid of my car was a great move! Thinking of both of you.

[Tizer]

we took 3 hours to go 5 miles at one point. 4.5 hours in total on the diversion.

This is one of the reasons why I avoid long journeys now and why I set out on any motorway journey with trepidation. I hate being in queues, it feels like your life is being wasted.

[Stanley]

That's because it is being wasted Tiz. I wonder how much it costs the economy each year? I remember reading Illich, 'Tools for conviviality' thirty years ago and he made exactly the same point but included the time spent by people waiting to cross the road. In your case, add in the time wasted by dealing with the NHS. What news of the prisoner?

[Tizer]

You're right about the time wasted by dealing with the NHS. I reckon I've made at least 30 phone calls in the lead up to, and during, my dad's Exeter hospital visit. There was also time spent waiting while the recipient of the call found someone who could deal with it. And time wasted by being told different stories by different people. I was told yesterday that Dad is definitely going to be transferred to Bridgwater Community Hospital so that they can further assess his confusion and give him a softer transition back to home life (if normal home life proves to possible). At least that's close to us and we could see him frequently and it's much smaller and comfortable. I asked `When?' Answer, "Don't know, it depends on when they have a bed vacancy." Phoned BW and got to speak to Matron and her answer was "Can't tell you, it could be tomorrow or it could be weeks". I can't understand why they don't put people down on the waiting list in advance but instead leave it until the last minute and then find there are no beds. BW had empty beds just before the norovirus outbreak at Exeter but they wouldn't let him be transferred and a couple of days later the wards had to be closed and no patients could be transferred. I think they realise by now that I'm not impressed. Dad's GP has a helpful secretary and she's done a lot for us, chivvying Exeter and getting answers where I couldn't get a response. The GP isn't too pleased with Exeter either. Will Dad be out of Exeter by Christmas? I suppose the answer is: "Don't know!"

[Stanley]

Best of luck with it.....

[EileenDavid]

Hope you manage to solve the problems Tiz We had a similar experience. Mam was in a really bad road traffic accident when she was 79 and her arm was degloved as well as many more injuries in 1989. She had to go to Withington for skin graphs as they couldn't be done at Fairfield. She was confused and needed to get back to Fairfield and although there was a bed for her the ambulances had gone on strike so I am afraid I became a blackleg and got her a private ambulance as her health was more important. If I wanted anything to move quickly in the NHS I found the only way was to brow beat them into submission with phone calls etc so you are doing the right thing. Keep hounding! Eileen

[Stanley]

I think Eileen makes an important point. There is still a large reservoir of submission when we come up against someone in a uniform or with an impressive title. It even works in the case of head waiters! We can never be wrong if we voice legitimate complaints and thank God I thing as a nation we are getting better at it. I am reminded of something I have often said to politicians, don't forget that the electorate/clientèle are often very intelligent and considerable experts in their fields. Authority is not dealing solely with morons!

[Tizer]

Progress at last. My dad was transferred from the city hospital to an 11-bed community hospital on Monday evening - but no sooner had he got there than they decided to send him home this Friday. We visited him at the small hospital and found him thriving physically but still a bit muddled mentally. On the Monday evening, after he arrived there, they let him use the reception desk phone to contact us. I could here voices of patients and nurses busy in the background. He immediately gave us orders of what to bring him, including "shirts and three pairs of underpants". We chatted for a while and he was rather loud, partly due to not having in his hearing aid and partly the interfering background noise. Then I got the usual "Is that it then?" meaning he'd got bored with the conversation. As I said goodbye to him he shouted down the phone "AND DON'T FORGET THE UNDERPANTS!"

[Stanley]

Tiz, I think that may be progress! Hope the flooding doesn't hamper the transfer or you getting to him.

[EileenDavid]

He sounds lovely Tiz and pleased to know he likes clean undies. Eileen

[Stanley]

Margaret's 'Borg' titanium press stud!

[Tizer]

Thanks, Stanley and Eileen. No, the floods didn't stop him getting home on Friday and this time we have to thank them for providing an ambulance and taking him at a sensible time in the afternoon. The ambulance men said that when they arrived and lowered the step at the back and moved to help him out he shot past them and practically ran to the front door! We filled his fridge and raised the central heating temperature to its normal level (it's a cosy, warm house anyway), checked he had whisky (!), money and his credit cards (he seems OK for using them, he can remember the PINs) and got him settled. He was worn out and said he'd go to bed early, so if a carer came in the evening he/she probably didn't get any response from the door knocker. He says the carer on Saturday lunchtime complained she had nothing to do. His GP has been good and made a special appointment for Dad and I to visit tomorrow to get him sorted before Christmas - his medication seems to have got confused and we need to know what he should be taking. Dad says they kept trying to give him paracetamol tablets in the hospital and "I told them I haven't got any pain!" He has been wearing a prominent wrist band on his left arm saying "No needles or blood pressure" because this arm has lowered immunity due to now having no lymph gland and he'll have to be careful of injuries to that arm. And yet, he claims, several times nurses or doctors tried to inject or take blood from that arm and he had to shoo them away from it, gesticulating at the wrist band and shouting "Ged off, can't you read!". Nowt much wrong with him then!

[Stanley]

He sounds pretty functional to me. Like the bit about him bolting for the front door when he got home. More power to his elbow!

[Tizer]

He does give the appearance of being fully `with it' but then something strange will happen. He got us out of bed by phoning in the early hours last night. Twice we tried to get the call but the answerphone kicked in and he left no message. Mrs Tiz was in a panic thinking her parents needed help. We checked 1471 and found it was my Dad and so we rang him - he said "Where are you, you're supposed to be taking me to the doctor at 10.15?" We told him what time it was and he said "All the clocks are saying the same time but they're all wrong". He didn't seem to be registering that it was dark outside. In the end we had to tell him to take his coat off and go to bed. He was like that in hospital according to the nurses. But when I took him in to see the GP this morning he seemed fine! It's all puzzling and sometimes it makes you wonder which of us is having the mental problem!

[Stanley]

Well we all know the feeling of waking from a dream and being disorientated, that may be what happened to him and perhaps he's a bit slower shaking it off and getting back to reality. Whatever, as long as he's all right! Good example of the stress that's put on the rest of the family. As my mother used to say "Treasures in Heaven".

[EileenDavid]

It's all codology one of mother's words. Ruth Dave's mum was exactly the same but soon as the doctor was there she was completely articulate. In children they call it attention seeking but there again don't they say there but for the grace of God there go I. Eileen

[Sue]

My dad used to phone me to ask the time , but he had three clocks in the lounge. When I told him the time he would ask if that was night or day. I explained on many occasions that it was 4.00 in the middle of the night. The trouble was Dad tended to sleep so much he really didn't know when it was night or day, and he never looked out of the window to see if it was light. He asked for a twenty four hour clock, which we got him, and then he told us to put it upstairs as he had three clocks in the lounge and didn't need it. He slept and lived in the lounge! So that didn't work.

[Tizer]

That sounds familiar. I'm sure my dad sleeps a lot during the day but doesn't want to admit it and it's probably also why he always wants to know exactly what time we are coming to visit him. We ring the bell rather than use the key, unless we get no response. Often when I rang the hospital during the day the nurse would say he was sleeping. At home he has the curtains half closed during the day and he doesn't see much daylight which might be part of the reason for confusing night and day. He's peeved at the moment because the doc says he can't use his car until he has an assessment in a few weeks time - he can't see what all the fuss is about and would be out there driving it, confused or not, if he had is own way. Fortunately (in a manner of speaking) the battery died on the car while he was in hospital (we kept starting and running it every few days but the very cold nights did for it) and he can't use it anyway!

[Stanley]

You know what my opinion is about old people and cars. I kicked my licence into touch for that reason even though I was still acknowledged to be a safe and competent driver. Too late when someone gets hurt! My kids were delighted because they'd seen another member of the family refuse to admit they were unsafe.
On a more cheerful note... I can remember when the sex of a new baby was a mystery and we could never be absolutely sure when they would arrive. I could tell some good stories about that (if you read me memoirs I already have!). Margaret informed me yesterday that all things being equal, my great grandson Alexander James will be born around noon on January 5th! Good for Katie but takes a lot of the mystery out of it.....