LIGHTS IN THE SKY 2013

[Stanley]

I'm afraid it's that time of year again! No sign as yet of the Coca-Cola wagons but the annual debt-fest which is the modern Xmas has started. Usual aberrations like mince pies with a sell by date before Xmas flood the supermarket and the conical emitters are up in the Town Square but not switched on yet. Worth a reminder that experience has shown that two layers of kitchen foil inside your hat greatly reduces the mind altering radiations.
Comrade Nolic says he will endeavour to contact Mrs Trelliss today. One piece of information that came in last night was that the lights in the sky heading for Antarctica should be ignored as it is an EU space agency satellite burning up in the atmosphere.

[Nolic]

It will be Wednesday when I call on her - I'm two days in Durham. Nolic

[Cathy]

I've noticed that there are a lot more Christmas only clothes/outfits this year. These include clothes to dance in, fairy outfits with twinkling tutu's, elf suits for boys, even onesies (pyjamas or party-wear) for adults with strange hats attached. All looks a bit suss to me.

Being summer here our night skies are too light to notice any strange lights.

[PanBiker]

All of the conical emitters which have been installed around town are now activated and glow with different colours when it goes dark. Curious that this phenomena seems to coincide with mass frivolity on the Town Square last Saturday. I also observed what seemed to be a brainwashing exercise and bouts of mass hysteria among the children (and a great number of adult too) who emerged from the tent on the Town Square with portable "light wands", when it came dark they were seen to wander round the streets waving them about? I have a feeling that these individuals were being used as mobile direction finding units, although they were probably unaware of what the true purpose of their labours had been.

[Julie in Norfolk]

Keeping a look-out from the East Angular county.

[Marilyn]

Well, for heaven's sake don't spook her Nolic. Remember, she was a long time in Rehab and she cannot handle folk rushing at her "Willy Nilly". Tread softly and don't make direct eye contact. ( also do not wear clothing of the Gold, Green or Red Spectrum as it could spark an International Incident of the Highest Order.)
Don't forget her sweet tooth...
( and no booze...we need all her brain cells on duty)

[Stanley]

The Co-op are taking the brainwashing very seriously. They have altered they layout at the front of the store and altered product placement on many of the shelves to shock and confuse shoppers so that they are wandering about searching and more likely to come across what they winsomely call 'festive offers'. I have objected on the grounds that an offer can't be festive! One of the large conical emitters wasn't functioning in the square yesterday.

[Nolic]

Back a day early and called at Mrs T's on the way back. No sign of her at all but there was a note pined on the door cancelling her milk, bread and window cleaning until the new year.
As I was driving down Beamsley Hill I saw 2 unlikely fellows with long raincoats and balaclavas on stood near an old "stop me and buy one" ice cream cycle. Despite the attempts at disguise it was Beamsley Bob and Boris O ' Storiths.

Boris was high as a kite and it soon became clear why. They had bought up all the coconuts from the fairs as they packed up for winter and were selling distilled coconut milk mixed with anti freeze as "Winter Warmers" from the ice cream tub for drivers going over Blubberhouses. I got no sense out of either of them as to Mrs T's whereabouts so left them to it. The only thing I did understand was Boris saying that any rumours that he had fled from the secure unit at High Royds mental hospital were not true??? Nolic

[Marilyn]

All terribly interesting and highly exciting ( she says, clapping her hands).
She must be on a mission...

[Stanley]

This is all bad news and very depressing. I fear that the days of wind powered detectors on the beacon and regular reports from Mrs Trelliss are long gone. Sad to see Bob and Boris have reverted to such low standards of behaviour. I think we will have to depend on our own observations and evidence.
Sales of turkey foil in Barlick have started to rise and there has been a run on washing up detergent. A man walked into a local shop last week and bought the entire stock of 5 litre bottles. He said he was a window cleaner but there is a suspicion that it's part of a wider plan to corner the market. Please report any price rises as we approach Xmas. It is a well-known fact that consumption rises during the festive season because more men are doing the washing up and seem to think that the more detergent they use, the easier the job is. This practice must cease!

[Marilyn]

Oh No Stanley. They are all working "in character" in undercover roles. They are on a mission.
They must be on a mission, or they would have been collected and returned to Rehab/ Secure Care before now.
We must have faith...
Was it FAIRY LIQUID being hoarded by any chance? ( could it be connected to the Christmas Fairy?)
Moh has gone very quiet. She may be able to shed light on the situation...

[Stanley]

As a matter of fact it was Fairy....

[Nolic]

I have a friend who is an acquaintance of Mrs Trellis and he likes to investigate the paranormal.

He believes that Mrs T has temporarily re-located from Bracken Gill directly as a result of the very early switch on of the Barlick festive lights even before mid November. It seems to have thrown all her calculations out of kilter and is having a massive effect on the heliosphere. Apparently too much celebration and switching on of Christmas lights before the feast of St. Radbod of Utrecht on the 29th November bodes ill for the appearance of the lights in the sky.

So if the lights in the sky fail to reveal themselves in Craven this year its all the fault of Barlick Town Council for jumping the gun!!! Nolic

[Stanley]

Nice to have some solid information Comrade. I do hope that she sets up her HQ shortly and that she can provide us with some solid information. At the moment it's all rumour and supposition, not only in Barlick but in Trawden as well. There is something going on but the difficulty is finding out exactly what so we can be prepared. After the 26th I shall have pilot grade vision in both eyes and so might be more use in the sky watch.

[Stanley]

The Xmas campaign to get the maximum spend is in full flow now. Xmas is for kids and the advertisers are targeting them and stoking pester power. Even to the extent of pay-day loans companies inserting adverts in children's programmes. Can you imagine kids asking Mum and Dad why they don't take out a loan to get them that new bike? It was all so much more simple 50 years ago.... I must be getting old!

[Stanley]

18 cans of Carling beer for £11. This may lead to a rash of reports of lights in the sky. No word as yet from anyone in the Tressell organisation. Trawden reports turned out to malicious rumour, there are no short green persons in the village. I note that Argos have given Santa a Sat-Nav. That means that a lot of children are going to be disappointed!

[Marilyn]

Confused.
Tressell Organization ? ( thought it was code-name Trellis)
I don't know who to trust with vital information I found on the INSIDE of a ( sealed) cardboard foil dispenser.
Is there a known "safe house" I can make my way to?
Slightly paranoid at this end. Have decided to randomly select a dumpster to sleep in tonight.
Enough said!
I am not even sure the birds in my garden tonight are REAL birds ....

[David Whipp]

Apparently too much celebration and switching on of Christmas lights before the feast of St. Radbod of Utrecht on the 29th November bodes ill for the appearance of the lights in the sky.

So if the lights in the sky fail to reveal themselves in Craven this year its all the fault of Barlick Town Council for jumping the gun!!! Nolic

Nah, we've been lighting up since on the second Saturday in November for the last few years - doesn't seem to have shifted the movement of the spheres in previous years.

Something is interfering though with the magic powering the lights on some blocks; am having to call in the magicians to sort the problems out.

[Stanley]

Maz, senior moment. Robert Tressell wrote 'The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists', a good, if depressing book if you have never read it....

[Julie in Norfolk]

I am ashamed to say that I gave up on look-out duties early last night and scurried indoors. All the cloud was at ground level and it was WET! I don't believe clouds are made of candyfloss any more. Anyway the reason I am writing all this is that someone (and they will know who they are) must have raised East Angular to cloud level so making it impossible to check for the lights in the sky.

I had time to think about this last night and I believe that there would have been an item on the news if they had raised the whole county upwards so I am wondering if instead they have just pulled the eastern counties up. The cliffs at sunny Hunny (Hunstanton to you) must be thousands of feet high now.

I am trying to keep up the vigil inside, looking west (unfortunately) and have tied myself to the table leg just in case of sudden gravitational shifts.

[Stanley]

Julie, I have said for many years that gravity is getting stronger, it's a lot harder to walk uphill or up stairs than it used to be.
There is a large light in the NW sky here this morning but it's an almost full moon. The sky was overcast at 04:00 but has now cleared and I think it will be good for observations tonight. David's magicians have still not got the emitters working properly.

[Marilyn]

Could account for why I feel heavier after a big dinner, and also why I feel lighter in the mornings, though I have not noticed ( yet) problems on hills or stairs...

Should I tell you what was written inside the sealed alfoil box?
Or should I just wrap the dispenser in Christmas Paper and pop it into the charity shop for use in their festive cooking?

[Stanley]

Do tell!
No observations today, heavy overcast and cold rain.

[Julie in Norfolk]

Relief! I think they must have lowered East Angular overnight, all seems to be back to normal on the cloud front which can only mean that I am back to 23 meters above sea level again. All the Queen's horses would have had a tough time carting HM to Xandring-ham if it were at cloud level.

[Stanley]

Do you ever call in to have a cup of tea with Brenda?