Family Matters

[Marilyn]

.....I thought he would be cheering you on...

[Stanley]

Nah, he's only interested in his creature comforts. Likes to have a bum to snuggle up against when he decides to come upstairs during the night.

[Tizer]

A bit of advice for anyone who has power of attorney for a relative or friend. If you have to sell their house make sure you've got plenty of copies of the PoA document because you'll need a pile of them. Everyone wants to see it. And if it's for two parents they'll want to see both documents. And if both parents own the house you'll need two signatures on the solicitor's main documents so you'll need to get someone approved for that second sig. Then when completion of the transaction occurs and you contact the power and water companies with the meter readings and ask them to end the contract they'll tell you they need the PoA documents - and need two weeks to deal with it! So be prepared and start everything well in advance.

[PanBiker]

Yes, the practicalities of POA are a nightmare, the certainly don't make it easy. When Sally sorted it out for her mum it made us wonder why there can't just be a secure kind of smart card for the person to prove POA instead of having to hike round and distribute all the raft of documents. Should not be beyond the realms of possibility.

[hartley353]

Note taken Tizer, my sister and I hold a lasting power of attorney for Mum should she ever need it. The solicitor never offered any advice on how to use it but took a goodly fee for doing it.

[PanBiker]

On a lighter note and on to the youngest member of our family. I am enjoying Finlays current choice of programs on one of the childrens channels (CITV). Wolves, Witches and Giants, made in the late 90's are animated cartoons with a retelling of the classic fairy tales in superb style by the late Spike Milligan. The lad is showing good taste in comic genius.

CITV - Wolves, Witches and Giants

[Tizer]

We're thinking we should be watching children's TV - it seems to be much better than grown-up's TV!

We got a phone call on Tuesday evening from my dad's care home to say they couldn't find him! One of the carers had gone in for the 8.00pm call when he usually gets ready for bed and then they'd searched the home. The plan was if he hadn't reappeared soon they'd call out the police. Some time later we got another call - he was back at the home carrying a pint of milk and bread from the Co-op! He sneaks out the side door without signing out and has an electronic key, so they don't know when he leaves and returns. There was no need for him to get food, a carer buys it for him, but he confuses night and day and probably thought it was early morning. The staff were very worried because the night was predicted to be 2 degrees C and a storm was on its way for the early hours.

[Marilyn]

Isn't it strange how the very young and the very old seem to have the same problem with day and night?
Ever had a six week old baby smile their most beautiful and engaging smiles at 3am?

Can't they do more at the Care Facility to orient Dad to the time of day...consistently...all day? Or do more to wear him out, so night becomes night? Or do they allow him to doze all day, so that he has all this energy at the wrong time?

[Tizer]

The main difficulty Maz is that they can't do much at all, he's still a free agent. He hasn't been diagnosed as having dementia or any other major mental problem and so the carers are not allowed to put undue pressure on him to do anything against his will - and his will is very strong and tends to being contrary. The lack of diagnosis is less to do with lack of symptoms (he has plenty of those!) and more to do with the GP not doing the assessment. We and the carers have been trying since before Christmas (when he declined quickly) to get him properly assessed but it's like walking through treacle! And the assessment procedures don't seem fit for purpose - too easy to fudge by anyone still with some mental ability.

[Marilyn]

My screen just did weird things so hope you don't get two replies...
The Care Facility should push to have him reviewed for their legal safety. Ultimately, they are responsible for his care, and a frantic phone-call when he goes AWOL is not sufficient to cover their butts, or calm your nerves.
He is a spirited lad...but ultimately needs to be safe.
I understand your concerns ( and his rights). Must be a very trying time for you.
Hubby and I miss having older persons in our lives, but we are glad not to have the problems too...we count ourselves lucky in that regard.

[Tizer]

The Care Facility should push to have him reviewed for their legal safety. Ultimately, they are responsible for his care, and a frantic phone-call when he goes AWOL is not sufficient to cover their butts, or calm your nerves.

They are doing that but, like me, they are walking in treacle. There are too many organisations involved and they're not good at communicating effectively - they send messages to each other but don't follow them up to check that action follows. We've now found out that Dad was out longer than we thought and had been talking in the shop to a young man he didn't know but who talked to him about being in the armed forces. He invited my dad back to his house for a drink but fortunately he declined. Then last night the carer visited him at 8.00pm and he was dressed to go out again, even though most nights he's going to bed at that time. They're very concerned and there'll be more pressure put on tomorrow to get him assessed and measures put in place to keep him in at night. I should stress that it's not a `care home' but an `extra-care house' and the company running it has different duties to a care home and different ability to control residents.

[plaques]

been talking in the shop to a young man he didn't know but who talked to him about being in the armed forces.

Its difficult to say whether this is fact or fiction. My brother would often recount where he had been that day and whom he had been having a drink with. It all sounded so plausible but since he couldn't stand by himself never mind walk we just went along with it. Other than these "excursions" you could, with patience, hold a reasonable conversation.

[Stanley]

"Hubby and I miss having older persons in our lives, but we are glad not to have the problems too...we count ourselves lucky in that regard."
Maz has it just right. The nice thing is that there are people who care about him......

[Tizer]

Plaques is right, it's difficult to distinguish between fact and fiction in what my dad says now. He's always been prone to elaboration and to show off but now even simple bits of information seem to creep in. Something as simple as claiming that he's had a bath, for instance. It's hard for the carers to know what's going on. When they go in for the morning visit to make him breakfast he usually claims he's had it, yet there's no sign of food being eaten, of the kettle being hot etc. But if they make him some breakfast he wolfs it down!

[Stanley]

I think he's under the same protection that looks after me.... See 'What attracted your attention'....

[Julie in Norfolk]

As mentioned a couple of weeks ago, Grandma at her 100th birthday on the 13th.

http://www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/ne ... _birthday/

[Stanley]

My next target is 80 Jules and if I get there I'll take a view...... What a wonderful age.....

[Tizer]

He had a meeting with my dad, a social worker, and a psychiatrist social worker yesterday to assess whether he needs to move to a more conventional care home where there would be more care provided for him on site and more monitoring (he's still confusing day and night and trying to go out at night). The conclusion was that he does need to be somewhere like that as soon as possible but all the local care homes are full due to the flooding - elderly folk who have been flooded were taken into the care homes to give them somewhere safe to live. In the meantime they suggest he goes on day visits to a care home next door to his present place so that he gets used to it and makes some friends. It sounds a good idea because he needs more to fill his day and stop him sleeping too much in the daytime, which must be at least partly responsible for the nightly wandering. Whether he'll make friends remains to be seen. One of his comments to the care workers was "Yes, I want company - as long as it's not gabbing women!" The truth is, he won't bother with men unless they agree with everything he says!

He, and we, have been targeted by cold calls this week from a business wanting to get us to release any `frozen pensions' that we may have. Watch out for these - they're after your money!

[Stanley]

I hadn't thought about pressure on care homes due to the floods. Visiting next door sounds like a good plan. Funny isn't it how people vary, I think I'd prefer the gabbing women to the men...... Especially if you came across one with a story like THIS!

[Cathy]

My computer froze when i clicked on above link

[Wendyf]

My tablet did the same thing Cathy...mentioned it on another topic. Had to use the reset button hidden away on the back.

[Tizer]

Both links worked OK for me...and the one above is only a Wikipedia page.

[Stanley]

Do a search for Flora Sandes wiki. I hadn't heard of her or the SWH. A good woman!

[Tizer]

My dad was taken `next door' today for the first of twice-weekly 10 to 4 visits to the care home. This was planned by the carers in his Extra Care flat because he sleeps too much during the day and complains of nothing to do and then wanders at night (remember we lost him one evening!). It sounded a good idea so that he could have more activity, other folk to talk to etc. The manager of the Extra Care House took him there at 10.00am and left him in the lounge. She rang us later to say that by 11.30 he was back and standing outside her office. When she asked him why, he said: "They're all asleep in that lounge. I'm not bloody well going back there"! The whole idea revolved around giving him more interaction with people and so I'm surprised they chose to send him there.

[Whyperion]

Mentioned on one of the newsfeeds to my email providers, that research suggests for older people(>50) sitting down for lengths of time is generally not good for the health. I sometimes get out to a general exercise class(most are 50+) supposedly a couple of times a week streacting and walking based, not bending), but I doubt in Somerset that such things are easily accessible.