HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[Stanley]

I have exactly the same problem with reaction. 'To every force there is an equal and opposite reaction' was burned into my brain by my teachers so 'reactionary' was obviously someone opposing or fighting against. The concept of a reactionary being someone who supports the status quo is foreign to me.
'Sagar maker's bottom knocker' comes to mind. A perfectly accurate job description of the man who beat the clay in the base of a sagar before it was fired to strengthen it.

[Tizer]

Nowadays he'd be a junior pottery executive!

[Stanley]

I think we may have a new tip.... When job seeking remember that the longer and more impressive the title, the lower the hourly rate.....

[Tizer]

Talking of job ads, I've just seen one placed by an NZ burger company called `Murder Burger' which starts with:
"Basically, the job involves turning up, taking money off people and not pissing anyone off. Which as an aside is something the people at Vodafone should learn".

Another ad, for a computer company, says: "We're looking for computer engineers who like to solve difficult problems. Call us on this number now. x = 24, y = 30. Phone number = 044.(y²-x).(y²-10²)x10" LINK

[PanBiker]

I liked the last sentence in the Murder Burger ad, "In other news today I learnt that bats always turn left when exiting a cave".

Oh and the number for the computer tech job is 044 876 8000 by my reckoning, nowhere near as difficult as binary sub-netting calculations for IP ranges.

[Stanley]

'nowhere near as difficult as binary sub-netting calculations for IP ranges. '
Good job the site doesn't have to rely on me for doing that!
When you hit a problem that defeats you, sit back and have a think.... You'll usually find that you have the answer buried in the back of your head somewhere. It just needs digging out! As I get older I find that the correct answer doesn't always come automatically like it did when my beard was black.

[Stanley]

If you have the choice of either living in a newly built house or an old one, think very carefully. The older house might have disadvantages but has the merit of having proved that it is well built, on stable ground and is roofed properly in a way that will stand exposure to the weather. Too many new builds are fine when new but turn out to have hidden defects which can cost a lot of money to rectify. Any action against the builder is fraught with expense and no certainty of the outcome because they can afford better lawyers than you! There is much to be said for the old stone built terraced house, especially some of the surviving back to backs which, though hopelessly old fashioned are very cheap to buy and run if you are old or single.

[Stanley]

If you like good dates, seek out the Israeli fresh dates that cost about £8 a Kilo. Ridiculous price I know but they are lovely and I ration myself to one or two a day. All part of my strategy to eat as many different sorts of food as possible. I like a mixed diet......

[Stanley]

If you are in a position where you might be exposed to the public as an eminent member of any field of endeavour, try to dress accordingly. It reassures your audience and makes you look better than you are! Always wear a hat, seen nowadays as a sign of authority.
A police inspector in Moss Side at the height of the crime wave there once told me that he had never arrested a criminal who used braces, wore a hat and smoked a pipe.

[Tizer]

...I can only think of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!

[Cathy]

It annoys me when 'ne'er do wells' front up to court in a brand new white shirt and black pants, trying to make a (temporary) good impression to the Judge. If they respected the law they wouldn't be there in the first place and more often than not the clothes are donated as well.

[Tripps]

What do you call a (here insert your least liked group) in a suit?



The defendant.

[plaques]

he had never arrested a criminal who used braces, wore a hat and smoked a pipe.

. And from the look at the subsequent posts if you did ever find yourself up in front of the Beak you would have to take your earring out. (Beak, now there's a word for you!)

[Stanley]

All very true..... I can only add one more dictum on dress which I think I coined after meeting A Derbyshire farmer. I told Mary that you can always trust a man who tucks his shirt in his underpants..... This goes back to the days when they didn't have elastic waistbands and were supported by threading the ears of your braces through tapes on the waistband before buttoning them to your trouser waistband. This meant that the shirt tails had to go inside the underpants..... (Not many people remember that!)

[Stanley]

I was treated this morning to the delight of a young lady bending down in hipster jeans and giving me the female equivalent of the 'builder's bum'. It cheered me up no end and reminded me that this was a treat not available to my forbears in the days of sensible clothes and directoire knickers..... (and before anyone shouts, this is not sexist, just perfectly natural appreciation of beauty, just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean the fire has gone out....)

[Cathy]

All very healthy I'm sure Stanley.
If the blades of your home shredder have become blunt, run a sheet of fine sandpaper through it.

[Stanley]

That's a good tip Cathy, doesn't sharpen the blades but cleans them properly. Another good thing to do is to put vegetable oil on a sheet of paper and run it through. You'll find it mentioned in the instructions with most machines but nobody reads them! Tiz and I decided it was vegetable oil because of the plastic bearings.

[LizG]

If the blades on your rotary cutter (think patchwork) have a flat spot run it through some scrunched up alfoil. It takes the burs off and extends the life of the blade. (Probably only Sue would know what I'm talking about!)

[Cathy]

If your kitchen scissors (well any scissors, I guess) aren't working very smoothly, just get some cooking foil, scrunch or fold it and cut into it a few times and your scissors will work as normal again.

[Tizer]

You Australians are very keen on aluminium foil!

[Cathy]

Oh are we, is that good or bad?
I line my grill and grill tray and oven trays with it all the time - keeps them clean.
I also scrunch a length of it into a small ball to make a toy for my cat .
Oh I also cover my eftpos/debit card with it in my purse.
Is that being keen on it?

[Tizer]

That's being in love with it!

[LizG]

I can't see anything wrong with that Cathy. (I use baking paper in my roasting dish though)

[Stanley]

Lovely tips. I take my mother's view, only the inside of the baking tin needs cleaning the outside is left charred.

[Stanley]

My cleaners come today and I encourage them to monitor how I am looking after the house and myself. We all need an outside audit at times as a reality check. In case you're wondering they assure me I am not turning into a smelly old man.....