Family Matters

[Stanley]

One door shuts and another one opens.... There's a message in there somewhere. Luke has been born in a good city.....

[PanBiker]

I was thinking exactly the same Stanley. Young Luke was born about 2 hours before Louise passed away. My side of the family rather than Sally's but makes no never mind. Another one for the tree.

[Stanley]

Sorry Ian, senior moment there. I have edited the original post.
As I get older and nearer the point where I too will kick the bucket I take some comfort in the fact that I left my mark, three daughters, six grandchildren and one great grandchild. Simplistic but very natural....

[Tizer]

We've been clearing some of my dad's things from the Extra Care House flat because he won't be going back there. That's when we realised we've cleared four houses in three years - three moves for my dad and one for my in-laws. We're still waiting for the social worker to give us a list of nursing homes that are local, will take council-funded residents (i.e. whose charges don't break their upper limit) and which have places available. We were told they'd let us have a list by the start of last week but nothing has appeared yet. I think the social worker works part-time which slows down the process and it also has to cross district boundaries; she has to ask each district council to give her their list.

Meanwhile, dad has had an echocardiogram which showed some `vegetation' on his heart valves - apparently that's the term they use for tiny growths on the surface. The doc says if dad was in his 60s they'd fit him with a new valve but in his frail condition it's too dangerous to operate. Also in someone of his age it's not likely to advance fast enough to trouble him in the number of years he's got left. We agree with that conclusion - the last thing he wants is an operation that might help his heart but wouldn't put everything else back like it was when he was 30 or 40 years younger.

[Tripps]

"As I get older and nearer the point where I too will kick the bucket "

Since the years are passing increasingly swiftly - and I have more thinking time. .
I found this somewhere - and I like it. (If it is not thought to be suitable for the site, mods - feel free to remove it. DT.)
.
Death Is A Door

Death is only an old door
Set in a garden wall
On gentle hinges it gives, at dusk
When the thrushes call
Along the lintel are green leaves
Beyond, the light lies still;
Very willing and weary feet
Go over that sill
There is nothing to trouble any heart;
Nothing to hurt at all.
Death is only a quiet door.
In an old wall.

© by owner. Added by volunteers for educational purposes and provided at no charge. Dmca

[Stanley]

I can't see anything wrong with that David. Many cultures sensibly regard death as a transition and as such not to be feared. Personally I think that the lights go out and all that counts is what you leave behind you..... I constantly tell my kids this and try to reassure them that whatever happens it's natural and OK.

[Stanley]

I can't help reflecting what a marvellous support system the family can be when you need a bit of help. I know for certain that on Friday Susan will be at the top of the street at 13:45 to take me to the Eye Clinic at Burnley. She will watch me on stairs and help me log in on their computerised screens. They say you get back what you put in, Vera and I must have done something good somewhere....

[Tizer]

My Dad died peacefully at 10.30pm on Monday evening in the local community hospital, four weeks after his fall. He had recovered physically from the direct effects of the fall but was still confused, his speech started to become garbled and he had difficulty swallowing. He became frail and needed help to move about, but on the weekend got much weaker and was obviously losing the battle. The official cause of death was described as bacterial endocarditis of the heart mitral valve exacerbated by cerebrovascular disease and vascular dementia - but the reality was that his life systems were closing down due to old age. It's sad that he's gone but we know that life was becoming increasingly intolerable for him and the recent changes would have made it much worse.

We have nothing but praise for the NHS doctors and nurses. They put him in a private room and prepared morphine and other treatments such as anti-nausea medication to make sure he wouldn't have pain or distress in his final hours. He was kept clean and shaved, and they did small but important things like keeping the inside of his mouth wet so that it wouldn't dry out and be uncomfortable. When my time comes I hope I'm treated as well as he was. We had seem him in the morning and he wasn't agitated or restless; he moved his hands and head at times but didn't open his eyes or show any recognition of our presence. But on the previous visit his eyes were open and he'd recognised us and held our hands. That was when I finally understood what was happening - it felt like being in a departure lounge and seeing him off on a long journey.

[PanBiker]

Our condolences Peter and very good that you are at peace with his passing. Very similar to Louise last week, utmost care by the staff at the hospital to ensure no distress. We got the feeling that Louise was waiting for us to leave as she died only about 20 minutes after we departed. You will shortly be starting the process we are almost at the end of now and our thoughts are with you.

Our arrangements for the funeral are all complete now, cards and flowers keep coming but all we have to do now is wait for Friday.

[Cathy]

My condolences to you and your family Peter.

[Wendyf]

Sorry for your loss Tiz, but glad he went quickly and was well cared for.

[Marilyn]

He was quite a character Tizer...
Sorry to hear he has passed, but glad for you and Mrs Tiz that it was a peaceful exit.

We have a funeral to attend too...a former work colleague of hubby, who was killed yesterday evening when she stopped on the highway to try to rescue a stray dog that was wandering on the road. She was struck by a car. Very sad.

[Moh]

Sympathy Peter, pleased he did not suffer.
Marilyn hat is so sad.

[Tizer]

Thanks, everyone, for your kind thoughts. And I'm sorry, Maz, to hear about Febby's colleague.

The staff at my Dad's Extra Care House were all sad to hear our news. They already knew he would have to leave them for a nursing home but none of us realised the situation would change so fast. He gave them a hard time but they enjoyed the challenge and they're going to miss him.

[Stanley]

I know you'll understand when I say good result all round. Your Dad is at peace and once you have got through the aftermath you will be as well. No problems about grief here, you know that you did everything humanly possible, nobody could have fought harder or better to support him. Somewhere he's jumping in the air, clicking his heels and shouting Yipee!! Or at least, that's what I'd be doing.... Such a relief for both of you.
Now for the slog through the final stages. I hope things go smoothly....

[Tizer]

Thanks for that Stanley, it's exactly how we feel. So far the various tasks are running smoothly. The Registrar was a very pleasant lady, efficient and helpful. They now have a system called `Tell Us Once' which allows them to notify government and council departments all at once through the computer system. I believe that it's also available to the public online.

[Stanley]

I hope 'Tell it Once' works but like you are no doubt, I am sceptical. I'll bet a pound you come across at least one instance of someone in the system missing the information.....

[Stanley]

Daughter Susan looked after me wonderfully yesterday.... There's a lot to be said for good kids!

[Tizer]

Thanks for taking care of him Susan!

[Stanley]

I've passed that on......

[Tizer]

I had to write to a 99-year-old lady in Blackburn who was a good friend of my parents and tell her that my father had died. I was relieved to receive a card from her and to know that she is still `alive & kicking'. But it was more than that. She told me she still goes into town shopping and had been that day and bought a new dress...and then apologised saying she had to take a taxi instead of walking! What a lady!

[Stanley]

That's the attitude.... I saw an old friend of mine on the town yesterday. He looked ill but that didn't surprise me because I know he's on dialysis. He told me he's on oxygen 16 hours a day, has more pills than Soft Mick and three different inhalers but says he is just buggering on.... Some people just don't give up!

[Tizer]

Mrs Tiz's sister rang us yesterday to say their Mum had died in the nursing home. Losing her is sad but for about a year now she's been unable to move about or eat unaided and we haven't been able to communicate with her. We couldn't tell if she knew when we visited her and her eyes were almost completely closed, no movement at all in her body. We know she never wanted to end up like that but we couldn't do anything about it. We're glad she has been freed from it all.

[LizG]

Sorry to hear your news but I do understand how you feel.

[Marilyn]

It's been an eventful few months for you and Mrs Tiz.