Tizer wrote:When my mum was in her last weeks a hospital doctor discovered a lump on her breast and wanted her bringing in for investigations. She became scared, we said we wouldn't take her in for it and she died shortly afterwards. Sometimes we need to remind doctors of the bigger picture, they're too busy chasing their own targets.
One thing my doctor said to me when I had a prolapsed disc was that he wasn't prepared to send me to a specialist (yet) because if you walk in they will operate, it's their job. So far I've managed it with exercise.
We're so pleased Mum's back in her own environment. Who knows how long that will be, but the people there are lovely.
It's good Liz that your mum is back in familiar circles. I know you still will but it should be one less thing to worry about, be sure to take care of yourself as well.
My father-in-law has gradually slipped further into dementia and is now in his own world but at least he seems content, rather than worrying as he did until recently that he was losing his grip. One of his great grandchildren will happily sit alone with him and doesn't seem at all fazed by him talking to invisible people in the room. I suppose that seems normal when you're a child!
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
Shakespeare was perhaps right when he said we regress to childhood....
Liz, I refused two major interventions on my back when I was younger and never regretted either of them, indeed one of them, injecting dye into my spinal chord to map problems later proved to be definitely harmful. Arthur Morrison once told me that God would fuse my damaged vertebrae if I waited long enough.... He was right! I still have a bad back but pain free now if i take care what I do.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Mum's been slowly getting worse and today I got a call from the Chaplin at the nursing home wanting to talk about the end of life process. There is little quality of life now and we are all agreed it would be kinder if she just didn't wake up in the morning. However, having said that, it was quite confronting to get the call.
That was the situation we got into with my father and Mrs Tiz's mother. You don't know how long they'll last and you have to be prepared for false alarms. We got a phone call last year saying Mrs Tiz's father was on his way out, the doctor thought it was the end. An hour later we phoned and they said he was enjoying his lunch. He's the one of the three who's still alive. Don't feel guilty about wishing for your Mum's release.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
I endorse what Tiz says about not feeling guilty. You have done your best and when eventually the end does come you will deal with it so much better because in a way you have been grieving for a long time as you looked after her. That's something I learned when my mother died, I got away lightly because I had been caring for her. Carrying commode buckets upstairs and cleaning them out keeps your feet on the ground! Your Mum must be fed up as well..... I remember my dad telling me he wanted to die and I said he didn't have any choice, he couldn't choose when he came in or when he went out. I went home for a shower and a sleep and he slipped away. He was lucky, he got what he wanted while he was still lucid.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Good morning everybody, I've been away from the site for a long time exactly because of situations highlighted in this section. Am now a 24/7 carer for Mrs C. and have been for last 4/5 years. Means I don't have a lot of time on t'internet. Also means that any prospect of visiting home ground in the forseeable future is a non starter. Makes me very nostalgic,and I just couldn't resist trying the site this morning. I do have alot of family questions regarding my mother's side of the family, from Earby (Spencer) but I'll put those in the appropriate place hopefully when I can. Enjoy the heat wave you're having up there.
cloghopper
Commiserations Cloggy, you have a hard row to hoe. I know that many say how rewarding caring is but in the end life isn't fair. I have no doubt you'll do a good job but give yourself time to do things for yourself and researching the family history could be a good way to do this. Ask questions on the site, you have lots of friends and you could well get really into it. Don't forget to start by giving as much information as you can. All the best to Mrs C as well......
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
Thank you so much everybody. Will be browsing and asking when I can. Wondering if the red blossom hawthorn tree at the top gate of Tunstead is still there-
I reached another stage in setting up the LPAs yesterday. Janet came round and we finalised the draft applications which have been vetted and approved by all the parties involved. Janet will now produce the final draft of the applications and send copies by snail mail to Oz for my other two daughters to sign and return. As soon as they come back the applications and evidence go to be registered and that could take a couple of months at least. We may have them in place, registered and active by Xmas!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
I have been told I can come out of the closet. My youngest daughter Janet has a Class 4 brain tumour the size of an orange. Her doctors can't understand how she is still functioning. I heard last night and things have moved quickly, she is working on worst case and assuming that there isn't a lot of time. Just had an hour on the phone with her and we have covered everything, probably the best conversation of my life. She has posted on Facebook and the word is out in the town now so if you know anyone connected with her let them know. She is incredibly organised and doing all the right things. The doctors are doing further tests and over the next few days we will have a better idea of time scales. At the moment the prognosis isn't good....
As you've probably picked up from my posts about family we all talk to each other and I have been preparing them for years by talking openly about my death. This is paying off in spades now, only problem is it isn't me..... And yes, in case you're wondering my reaction is unprintable. My job now is to be the UK representative and look after myself, the kids need an anchor. So the message is, look after each other and be honest and open, it pays off in the end.
Love to you all.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
I'm glad you've told us all Stanley, not least because it allows Pluggy and Ian to know why you need their help and why it's so very urgent.
I spoke to Stanley today and he's obviously terribly upset but he hasn't come off the rails. He's holding steady and knows that his job is too look after himself extra well while all this is going on. The family have gone into action like a well-oiled machine (what else would we expect from an engineer's family) and have allocated jobs, delegated duties and set in motion support systems for children.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
These posts could are not inadequate, you've made me cry....
Janet is well respected in her profession for being a superb project manager. Not surprisingly she is applying these skills to managing whatever comes down the tracks and hits her. I have been keeping off her back but that call, yesterday, was a revelation. I have always believed that in many ways our kids are a reflection of ourselves but if I subscribed to that theory completely I would be unbearably smug, she is quite amazing, every base has been covered. She asked me if I could think of anything she had missed and I couldn't find any gaps. Everyone in the family has been allocated tasks and given clear instructions even down to bed care when the worst effects hit her.
When we get a clearer picture after Janet has grilled her medical team [poor buggers!] I'll update on progress.
By the way, after Harry's death she took out very comprehensive insurances including something called Trauma Insurance. Her financial adviser told her she was over-insured at the time but when she was with her latest finance man this week he looked at her insurance and said when he got home he was going to consult with his wife and extend his own insurance!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Old age isn't for cissies!
I wouldn't want to step on anyone's 'medical toe's', I can only imagine how intense this all must be, but has the family heard of Charlie Teo, a neurosurgeon in Sydney. He has performed many successful brain tumour operations that other top neurosurgeons said were inoperable. Maybe they could ask for another opinion.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
